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Bleeding Heart Liberal Arts
by Jason Roth
Non-Objective Art Appreciation Feigning 101
Have you ever been in an art museum and witnessed someone gasping in awe at a canvas painted entirely in purple? Well, with the help of this course, you'll learn how to put on just as convincing an act. And with a little extra effort, who knows? You might even believe the crap that comes out of your mouth!
This course will arm you with such self-deluding pretensions as:
- "Look at the pure, raw emotion in that three-armed headless man with the big triangle instead of feet."
- "In any other context, a toaster would be just a toaster. But here, behind glass and with all these people looking at it, it symbolizes the loneliness of the collective consciousness in our post-modern industrial society."
- "You're missing the whole point. Why does everything have to 'mean' something? Can't something simply be a piece of broken glass covered with blood, semen, saliva, and excrement?"
- And who can forget this oldie but goodie: "If you don't understand it, then all explanations are useless. Oh, and another thing: you are one stupid bastard."
By the end of this course, you'll be fully armed to feign appreciation of any great piece of art. (Even if the subject of the Picasso you're fawning over isn't so lucky.)
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