STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Three More Products by the Makers of "The Garden Weasel"

by Jason Roth

• The Compost Heap Mountain Goat

  Ever have the problem of pre-compost wet garbage stinking up your yard for weeks on end, while you wait for that heap of shit to ripen into fertile soil for your flowers, shrubbery, and other backyard vegetation? Then it's time to stop holding your nose - and pick up a Compost Heap Mountain Goat.

  The Compost Heap Mountain Goat will turn ten pounds of your disgusting half-eaten meals, rotting produce, and other nauseating slop into ready-to-use "mountain-goat style" ass droppings. No more waiting for garbage to turn into compost. Get your Compost Heap Mountain Goat, and start planting today!

• The Kitchen Sperm Whale

  Put an end to juggling kitchen soap bottles with The Kitchen Sperm Whale. No more fussing with soap-clogged bottle tops or fumbling with dishes as you attempt to secure more soap for your dish washing responsibilities.

  With The Kitchen Sperm Whale, one squeeze of the Whale's patented "Soap Sak" (decoratively designed as two huge whale nuts) and you'll have a perfect portion of liquid soap. Although not a biologically accurate recreation of a whale ejaculation, the liquid soap (not included - works with most commercial kitchen soap products) is dispensed through a blow hole on the top of The Kitchen Sperm Whale's back. Now with The Kitchen Sperm Whale, you'll only need two hands to wash dishes! You'll never want to "blow off" washing dishes again!

• The Bedroom Rhinoceros

  With just two quick twists, you'll have your partner screaming like she was being gored by a real, live rhinoceros. But with The Bedroom Rhinoceros, your lover won't have to suffer from severe lower-abdomen rhinoceros horn puncture wounds to experience the intense pleasure that can only be achieved by the insertion of nature's own double-ended ivory dildo. "Charge" yours today!