Dear Human Resources Manager,
I am interested in applying for the position of Human Resources Representative. My skill set includes: organization, implementation, coordination, systemization, arbitration, negotiation, mediation, consultation, speculation, deliberation, and flirtation.
I am seeking a challenging working environment. I am a team player. I am able to write memos in several dialects of corporatese babble that succeed in masking the content of the memos, but not my lack of intelligence. I will never question my superiors or the company policy.
I am highly skilled at finding keywords on resumes such as "marketing", "accounting", and "have increased sales five years running". I am computer literate, and am well-versed in the process of calling the IT department when I can't figure out how to open an e-mail attachment.
I am experienced in conducting recruitment interviews with no knowledge of the position I'm trying to fill, and I can guarantee that I will waste the time of everyone involved.
I am an excellent form filler and distributor. I am adept at reserving conference rooms well in advance. And most of all, I can plan one heck of an office Christmas party.
Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Rebecca Swanson
