STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Classifieds #2

by Aaron Kendall

• KeyMaster of deity seeking GateKeeper. Must be house-broken and not chase cars when in dog form. Enjoy sitting on skyscrapers and watching the end of the world a big plus. Should hate proton packs vehemently.

• Social Security #407-64-4957 seeks out another who has a "0" or "7" in the first three numbers in their S.S. #. Must like to file documents. Should talk legalese during sex.

• Independent contractor seeking independent businessman who knows how to "terminate" problems. Knowledge of "tools" and "cleaning" required. Should prefer black ties, black suits, dark sunglasses, and long walks on the beach.

• Dead man stuck in underground coffin seeking life. Prefers new, fresh life instead of rotting, old life. Candidates should also have shovel and plenty of air freshener. Good digging a big plus. German scientists not welcome.

• Dark-skinned, blue-eyed, passionate, professional SWM seeks SWF with pleasant personality. Requirement is that she enjoy the company of a mature man with his act together.

• Gaunt, conjunctivitis-eyed, lethargic SWM seeks the same SWF who answered above ad. Don't go out with that jerk. I'm much nicer. And I have a bigger cock.

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