STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Classifieds #3

by Aaron Kendall

• Avid fan of Japanimation seeking anime films which do not involve women having sex with demons. Willing to pay big $$$.

• Dark prince of evil longs for the company of another dark soul who enjoys long walks along pits of consuming fire and screams of many tortured souls. Prefers Brad Pitt types. Very lonely. Call soon.

• Socialist European country specializing in cheese, wine, and surrender seeks accent that will not give away its people as American-hating assholes. Accent based on Jerry Lewis strongly favored.

• Street bidnizman lookin' fo' sum ackstion wid da fine bitches. Gots lots of greens to slings around on one night 'n the town. Plan on a romantic night of suckin' my dick, biiiiaatch.

• Indecisive blonde, blue-eyed woman with D-cup breasts looking for suggestions on a new career involving interaction with people.

• Popular radio station desperately in search of music that fits both conditions of being contemporary and not sucking major ass. Cover songs automatically disqualified.

• Young, attractive woman fond of the club scene seeks any clothing which fits tight enough to cut off blood flow. Clothing especially desired which can mold itself around genitalia.

• Hassidic Jew desires advice on new wardrobe. Black hats, black coats, black shoes, and black pants are now out. Thinking more about something in pink.

• Male Baptist minister seeking female Baptist minister to have family and raise kids in an environment of self-destruction, self-loathing, and ultimate despair. Praise the Lord.

• Lonely, attractive pyromaniac seeks wonderful, beautiful, consuming fire to burn, burn, burn all problems away, including Mother.