STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Classifieds #10

by Aaron Kendall

• Southern state near Gulf of Mexico apologizing to rain gods for whatever it did lately. Begging to stop sending a fucking hurricane every half turn of the moon. If needed, will supply sacrifices.

• Major plans underway to create new Hall of Fame for baseball players who were in a rock-n-roll band. Looking for potential candidates. Requirements include at least 500 hits and at least 100 groupie blowjobs.

• Young urban professional planning to relocate to Las Vegas due to low state income tax and low housing costs needs additional rationalizations.

• National Society of Mother Copulation looking for others to sign petition against the use of term "motherfucker" as derogatory term.

• Children of western Sudan making open letter of request for help from any available Pokemon. Bashir and his janjaweed are really tough and mean. Will probably need Pikachu and maybe Squirrtle. Get your asses here quick.

• New non-profit organization to fight adult illiteracy seeking funding. Plans are to mass produce the kind of women's shorts with words printed across the back. Send money by calling 1-HOOKD-ON-ASS

• Sperm seeking path of boiled egg rather than the suicide mission into this guy's ass.

• Young Iranian student advocating a change in government and being beaten by Guardian Council henchmen patiently waiting for world to step in and help. No big hurry. Take your time, just my blood and brains. No biggie.

• Homeless applicants desired to become candidates for new reality show "American Cup-Shaker".

• Nigerian children who are looking to scam Sudanese children in search of midgets who can either breath fire or invoke lightning at fingertips and who are willing to dress as Pokemon.

• Animal rights group consisting of oncologists and gynecologists wants more forestry experts to join in its "Cancer-Free Beaver" project.

• Al Manar television looking to expand into children's programming. Seeks audience participants for new show called "Mr. Mohammed's Neighborhood". Will teach children values like thinking of Jews as foul-tasting falafel and about how to make a bomb out of three-day-old humus and a hookah.