STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Classifieds #1

by Aaron Kendall

• Elderly man from India about to kick bucket seeking submissive Sati girl who would gladly lay beside his own dead carcass and be cremated with the body. References necessary. Cooking skills a plus.

• Catholic priest desiring small alter boy who can perform religious ceremonies in the nude. Must be willing to lie spread-eagle on alter and accept the entrance of the Holy Spirit. Spitting of the Holy Water is a no-no. Under-cover Fed agents need not apply.

• Independent filmmaker seeking other independent filmmakers who are interested in making movies about lesbian archaeologists and their pet monkeys. No experience needed or wanted. No ambition needed or wanted. Scripts and plots are not allowed. Volunteers with extensive knowledge of cliches and pointless dialogue a plus.

• Wealthy, self-educated SWF zombie seeks confident SWM zombie who recently crawled out of the grave. Rotting limbs a big turn-off. Must be mature and buried after 1950. No brain-eating. Romantics who like to take trips to Europe and Nepal have better chance.

• Dependent SWF seeks uneducated, brute man who speaks of girlfriends as "whiny bitches" and "yappy whores". Should have hobbies like severe beating of loved ones, drinking very heavily, and watching "Commando" multiple times in one night. Must know how to treat a lady with a belt or a salt-covered whip.

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