STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Classifieds #4

by Aaron Kendall

• S.W.F. longs for healthy relationship with S.W.M. who will serve only to be a reminder of hot sex with most recent ex-boyfriend.

• Neighborhood man wants names of little bastards who put the head of my pink flamingo lawn ornament in the crotch of my night watchman lawn ornament.

• Religious scholar desires information as to whether the religious cult Heaven's Gate and mainstream Christianity have any fundamental differences.

• Young couple who just met need a topic of conversation that can be used for flirting and for hinting at sexual acts. Perfect topic would end with a dare including oral sex.

• Hardcore veteran of the arcade seeks duel with worthy challenger. Weapons of choice include Street Fighter 2 Championship Edition, Mortal Kombat, and Marvel Vs. Capcom. Will kick your ass, bitch.

• NYC Metro commuter willing to pay heavy fees in order to find a train which does not try to reach Warp 1 within the first five seconds of its advance.

• Southern state known for Confederate Flag controversy searching for time portal which will take us out of the Middle Ages and into the 21st century.

• Private party enlisting people and companies to invest in new charity which will provide underprivileged women with high-paying productive skills, like giving blow jobs and anal sex.

• Country known for curry and bald leader needs engineers to figure out how to convert starving excess population into good pothole-filling material.

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