STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Classifieds #8

by Aaron Kendall

• Enthusiastic Al Qaeda member seeking to become celebrity through either being in Indian feature film or through fun, creative way of destroying oneself for ridiculous deity.

• Dying old man seeks woman who will love him unconditionally, even if that condition is being a dead, rotting corpse. Necrophiles encouraged to respond.

• Powerful Western government seeks ways of fighting war without seeming aggressive and without offending anybody. Ideas must first be approved by our enemies before being considered.

• Bottom part of worm seeking to mate with upper part of same worm. Upper parts who love top soil get special consideration.

• Young liberal white female sick of dating patriotic men and instead seeking single liberal male. Favorite activities include intimate moments of bashing freedom and romantic dinners where we can talk about demoralizing America.

• Female rat and mother of two seeks aid from consumer group. Wishes to make products more safe for children. Enticing cheese in snapping trap should be first to go.

• Strong, young donkey of Northern Alliance cavalry seeking cybernetic surgeon. Must undergo serious enhancements for upcoming battle against Taliban tank division. Requirements include making anti-tank missiles shoot from eyeballs and changing asshole into gas-powered flamethrower.

• Young Islamic fundamentalist male seeks bubbly and charming walking bedspread which will listen when it's told to do something. Should be soft to rest in but hard enough to take a good beating. Must come with large pillows.

• Woman with illuminated genitalia and stumbling in dark room wishes to know where the Glow-in-the-Dark dildo went.