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Page 1
Low-Percentage Pick-Up Lines
by Jason Roth
- Give me five good reasons why I ought to fuck you tonight.
- Do you practice abstinence? Would you like to practice it with me? I'm sure we could get it right eventually.
- Those pants make you look fat. I suggest you take them off.
- Has anyone ever told you that you look exactly like the girl I'm about to fuck?
- I'm currently interviewing for a position in my bedroom. Qualifications include: good people skills, a willingness to work under pressure, and the ability to juggle more than one task at a time.
- I think I've seen you in my dreams. Are you always such a slut?
- What would your parents say if they knew that you slept with me? I'll bet you $250 plus tax that you're wrong.
- On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your ability to leave an apartment quickly after being ejaculated onto?
- Who's your favorite philosopher and why?
And the line I actually tried:
- "Do you mind if I evaluate your [jukebox] song choices? Just from a psychological perspective."
Believe it or not, this line did not work. If she had laughed at that one, I probably would have been in love.
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