Top 10 Signs
You Drank Too Much

by Jason Roth

10. You wake up with dried semen on your face and you don't know how it got there.

9. You come to the conclusion that calling the 300 pound bouncer a "big fat faggot" is the appropriate response to his request for a five dollar cover charge.

8. You have twenty-twenty vision when it comes to the chick's double-D breasts, but somehow her twenty-pound beer gut goes unnoticed.

7. You're overcome with a sudden dedication to the cause of traffic safety in your own apartment, and prove it by installing an ample supply of stop, yield, and do-not-walk signs in your living room.

6. You misidentify your roommate's potted cactus as a urinal.

5. You think three lap dances in a row is more than enough of a courtship before making the proposal.

4. You actually look forward to puking.

3. You mistake the act of getting dry-humped from behind on the dance floor for emotional attachment.

2. You fall down once, burn yourself twice, and light the wrong end of at least one cigarette.

1. You can identify with this list.