STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Top 10 Rejected City Slogans
Part 2

by Jason Roth

1. Naples

   Don't think of our chicks as elderly, think of them as "sun roasted".

2. Tijuana

   Where waking up in a jail cell with a broken rib cage, a dozen venereal diseases, and wearing nothing but a sombrero is only the beginning.

3. Hoboken

   Just because Sinatra was born here doesn't mean we have any class.

4. Bangkok

   If it's crispy, has a sticky red sauce, and smells like fish, you've come to the right whorehouse.

5. Florence

   We brought the Renaissance into this world. We can take it out.

6. Hollywood

   You don't need fake tits to make it in this town. Only a fake soul.

7. Hong Kong

   As free as ancient Chinese dragon. (Just before it's chopped up, injected with MSG, and served with chopsticks.)

8. Seattle

   The home of coffee, rain, grunge music, cigarette butts, vomit, and drug-induced suicide.

9. Cape Town

   Getting screwed by the white man for over six centuries. (Starting with the crummy prices they paid on the slaves we sold them.)

10. Woodstock

    Where littering, freeloading, sex with strangers, trashing people's property, and tripping out naked in the mud never sounded more romantic.