STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Failed Product Promotions

by Jason Roth

• The Candlewick Press "Where's Waldo's Wallet?" Promotion

  Someone in New York City is carrying a wallet containing $1,000,000! Will you be lucky person to find it? (We do not endorse the pickpocketing of anyone not affiliated with this promotion.)
   
  

• The Durex Condom Satisfaction Guarantee

  If you have sex with 100 different partners with the condom, and 100 different partners without any condom, and you're not completely satisfied that sex with the condom is just as good without, we'll refund the cost of the condom and reimburse you for any necessary AIDS treatment.
   
  

• The Sony "Music for the Deaf" Promotion

  Sony is "giving back" to the deaf community by getting rid of all our unsold Anne Murray and Air Supply records, while picking up a nice tax deduction in the process.
   
  

• The Webster Dictionary "T is for Typo" Contest

  Can you spot all the misspellings and incorrect definitions in the latest edition of Webster's College Dictionary? If so, you're well on your way to winning a cool millun.
   
  

• The Oreo Cookie "Got Vaseline?" Manufacturer's Refund

  Get a $1.25 manufacturer's refund, just by sending in one proof of purchase from a box of Nabisco Oreo Doublestuff Cookies, along with a receipt for one jar of Vaseline Brand Petroleum Jelly and one box of Trojan Double-Ply Condoms.
   
  

• The Post-It Brand Notes "Post a Public Accusation of Sexual Harassment" Contest

  In offices all around the country, representatives from the 3M corporation will be looking for the funniest examples of sexual harassment by Post-It users' employers. The grand prize winner will have the opportunity to have their story adapted as a made-for-television movie.