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Obituaries Cut from the New York Times
Rusty
by Jason Roth
Rusty, resident of 401 Maple Ave., fetched his last bone last night when a freak meteor storm destroyed his doghouse and forced him to sleep outside in the cold, giving him pneumonia and forcing him to be taken to the veterinarian's office the next day, when the family station wagon was hit head-on by a garbage truck and all perished, except for Rusty, "Jules" the family cat (who ate Rusty), and Bobby Schumacher, the youngest child in the family, who got stuck cleaning up the mess.
Bobby will be paying for Rusty's funeral with funds from his father's wallet, assuming any money is left over after Bobby buys out the contents of the local Toy Warehouse and can find a couple of illegal Mexicans to cart off Bobby's parents and sister to the crematorium for less than five bucks a corpse.
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