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Page 1 2 3 4

The Greeting Cards
Hallmark Rejected

by Jason Roth

  • (front)

    I don't know how the three of you stayed together so long.

    (inside)

    Oops. Your wife told me not to mention him.

    Oh well, happy anniversary.


  • (front)

    (picture: Four clowns carrying a coffin.)

    (inside)

    Please accept my condolences about that Jerry Springer accident when your grandfather the transsexual clown was trampled to death by those two-headed lesbian skinheads. It made great TV, but it sure was sad.

    Yours, grievously.


  • (front)

    Wishing you well during your mid-life crisis.

    (inside)

    Hope you find some way to salvage something from your pathetic existence before dying alone from a stress-induced heart attack and leaving behind nothing but a family who hates you and a vague idea for a better life which you never had the guts to act on but which you would have completely screwed up even if you did.

    My thoughts are with you.


  • (front)

    Try not to have too much birthday cake today...

    (inside)

    It'll only mean more time in the bathroom puking it up and feeling guilty about how fat you are.


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