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Page 1 2
Top Ten Signs You've Had A Lame Summer
September 4, 2000
The Savethehumans Version:
by Jason Roth
- Fishing hook scars on your testicles.
- The morning after your family reunion, you woke up in bed with your Aunt Mary.
- You got voted out of Club Med.
- The Freefall ride at Six Flags took your scalp.
- The only exciting thing you got to see on the Cape Cod whale watching tour was your grandmother getting stung by a Manta Ray.
- Your week at the nudist camp happened to coincide with the Weight Watchers annual retreat.
- While the other kids were running to the ice cream man, you had to stay in and take a Benadryl enema for the poison ivy on your colon.
- A romantic encounter under the boardwalk resulted in gonorrhea, a freak jet-ski accident, a splinter infection, and the amputation of your left foot.
- The only thing anyone seems to remember about the company picnic is the Polaroid of you sleeping naked in a hammock with bird shit on your face.
- Your parents went on a safari and all they got you was a lousy case of African AIDS.
(Note: In case you're curious, this list was created based on the topic alone, before seeing the actual Letterman version of the list. It's easier - not harder - to do it that way.)
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