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Go back to: home  instant gratification letterman showdown
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Top Ten Signs Your Kid's School Is Too Crowded
August 25, 2000
The Savethehumans Version:
by Jason Roth
- Not enough lockers to store all the pipe bombs.
- The gifted and talented students are forced to share books with the retard class.
- A local hospital reports a dramatic rise in duck-duck-goose related brain seizures.
- A sixth-grader's embarrassing erection accidentally results in an act of sodomy.
- The Trench Coat Mafia is compelled to issue nametags and initiate "freshman rush week".
- Two words: cootie epidemic.
- The student government election hinges on the issue of "detention overcrowding".
- Librarians are trampled to death during the "Harry Potter Riots of 2000".
- "Skins" becomes the official team uniform of the under-budget girls basketball team.
- The faculty start a "guess the next murder-suicide" office pool.
(Note: In case you're curious, this list was created based on the topic alone, before seeing the actual Letterman version of the list. It's easier - not harder - to do it that way.)
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