STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Instead of...
Becoming part of the "new" Hong Kong belonging to The Republic of China, I'd rather...

by Aaron Kendall

1. ...eat a fortune cookie out of Chinese President Jiang Zemin's ass.

2. ...take my vacation in a happy laogai (prison camp), where I could perform my merry duties for the wonderful Chinese government.

3. ...participate in a student anti-government protest in mainland China (a.k.a., a public execution involving tanks).

4. ...feel as guilty as every free world leader who commented on the surrendering of six million Hong Kong people to Red China as simply "Okey Dokey".

5. ...dine at a Chinese restaurant conveniently located right next door to a veterinary school or pet cemetery.

6. ...cut up my penis with a razor blade and have unprotected sex with a Shanghai prostitute.

7. ...take the chance of surviving participation in a film with any male member of the Bruce Lee family.

8. ...sell myself as a little white slave (a.k.a., "bitch") on the Beijing black market.

9. ...try to make sense out of anything that stupid Confucius bastard said in his lifetime.

10. ...eat dim sum droppings off the streets of Chinatown, NYC.

11. ...be stuck at an important U.S. military installation when China decides to repay the American round-eyes for their generous gift of nuclear secrets.

12. ...be born as a girl into a Chinese family when the Chinese government finally enforces its population control policy of dumping all Chinese daughters into a giant trash compactor.

13. ...accompany the Chinese women's soccer team that lost the World Cup on its long trip into the countryside, where they are strangely never heard from again.

14. ...visit China and say to each pro-Communist man and woman "Thanks a lot for slowing down the progress of the human race, asshole."