STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Ten or Eleven Commandments

by God
(as told to Jason Roth)

1. Thou shalt not dance while white.

2. Thou shalt not molest children with your mouth open.

3. Thou shalt not practice mindless rituals your parents taught you because you're scared shitless to question anything important.

4. Thou shalt not break into a church in the middle of the night above the age of sixteen and piss in the holy water.

5. Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord in close proximity to words depicting acts of animal sodomy, except for the occasional "goddamn horse-fucking motherfucker". Especially in traffic.

6. Honor thy father's and mother's requests for incest when they're holding a gun.

7. Thou shalt not wonder how long it took Adam to get under Eve's fig leaf. Or whether they let Satan watch.

8. Two false gods make a positive. Thou shalt only worship an even number of false gods. Zeus and Dionysus are a good start.

9. Thou shalt not check out the tits on the chick in the third pew while the priest is lecturing you about poor people.

10. Thou shalt not peep on thy neighbor's wife longer than five seconds at a time before ducking beneath thy windowsill.

11. Thou shalt not obey these commandments.