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The 10 Amendments
Amendments to the 10 Commandments Should Humanity Encounter an Alien Race
by God
(as told to Jason Roth)
- Thou Shalt Not Resurrect Frozen Alien Corpses Even if it Means Disproving the Existence of Evolution.
Do yourself a favor and stay the hell away from the Antarctic. There are things mere humans were not meant to know, and whether Eve was fucked hard doggy style by some guy from Mars is one of them.
(Remember, God created Adam and Eve in his own image, so if it's discovered that an alien satisfied Eve better than Adam ever could, well, you get the point.) Combining alien DNA with the DNA of Christ and breeding alien-Christ mutants is also against His rules.
- There is No Greater Virtue Than to Forgive An Alien For Turning Your Sister Into a Pod Person.
Who are we to judge whether the occupation of a human body for the purpose of the eventual takeover of the universe is good or bad? Breed, and let breed. Let he who is without the desire to exterminate the human race cast the first stone. Aliens are people, too.
If you ever feel uncertain about how to deal with a difficult situation, think of Abraham. Abraham was ready to slit his own son's throat - do you really think he wouldn't have let his sister become a pod person? What kind of disbeliever are you? Take two Hail Marys and call me in the morning.
- Seek Not to Discover God's Alien-Engineered Android Nature, And if You Do, Do Not Program Him to Walk into Walls.
God is not a robot. I repeat, God is not a robot. Ok, that being said, do God a favor and quit fucking with him. We all know that God was designed by aliens. But is it really necessary to borrow the secret password to God's brain from evil alien architects and program God to walk into walls? That's just mean. Have a little mercy, will you? Bastards.
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