Another e-tarded e-mail exchange, taking the crank call into the new millennium. The following is an actual e-mail exchange.
Considering that I nearly fell out of my chair when I got their reply, I think this particular e-mail exchange needs a second disclaimer. Let me say it up front: Yes, their reply is absolutely real (and I can prove it). However, I think maybe I went just a little too over-the-top in my second e-mail to get a second reply from them. But what the hell, it was worth a shot.
To: TheUnsungHero.com
Subject: None (submitted via their website)
To whom it may concern,
I love the idea of being able to reward that "Unsung Hero" next door with a personalized, framed poster with an inspirational message. My question is: am I the only person out here who thinks that this is a good idea? I would hate for your company to go out of business. I have a great dentist in mind who I think would love an "Unsung Hero" poster hanging in his waiting room. His birthday is in March, so guess what he's going to get!
In today's age of cynicism, I would be surprised if many other people would agree with me that such sweet yet trivial "nonsense" would actually be marketable. But if so, that would be great. Perhaps you're trying to reach a very small subsection of the Bear-o-Gram customer base? I love those bears.
Oh, wait, I have a great idea. You should rent the customer mailing list from the company that produces those inspirational "courage" and "integrity" posters. You know, the ones with a big mountain or a waterfall or something, and some anonymous quote written by a guy who maybe used to work for Hallmark or something. I bet the people who buy that stuff would really love your posters. Have you tried marketing to them?
One final question, if I may. May I suggest you develop a product for kids? It could be written in simulated crayon, and have a message like "For the greatest Mom." Of course, you'd want to misspell the word "greatest", and maybe draw some of the letters backwards. I bet you could find some kids willing to spend their money on stuff like this even more than us adults. I'd be happy to supply you with a prototype, along with my freelance rates, if you're interested. I look forward to your earliest response.
Best regards,
Jason Roth
Freelancer
To: Jason Roth
Subject: The Unsung Hero
Jason,
Great feedback! You have a very insightful perspective as to our product, and the audience we are targeting. We are in a very dynamic development period with regards to new marketing avenues, and your thoughts are greatly appreciated.
We have considered the kids version of our product. In fact, we believe it would be one parent recognizing the other (husband to wife; wife to husband) on behalf of the child or children.
I've got a few quick questions:
1. Where are you located? This is not critical, just curiosity.
2. Can you follow through with a prototype? If yes, what do you need from The Unsung Hero.com?
3. How do you bill? Is it hourly, or per project?
Best Regards,
Todd Peterson
Vice President
The Unsung Hero.com
To: TheUnsungHero.com
Subject: Re: The Unsung Hero
Mr. Peterson,
I'm glad my feedback was useful. With a product like
yours, believe me, you deserve that kind of feedback.
In fact, you deserve anything people like me can throw
at you.
Before I get to your questions, I wanted to quickly
mention another brilliant idea I had after I sent you
that last message. What about advertising your product
in public bathrooms? You know, those ads that appear
over public urinals? I can't think of a more
appropriate place to advertise your product than in a
bathroom. The ad could serve two purposes: first, to
promote your website, and second, to show people an
actual example of what the product looks like while
they're relieving themselves. So, while potential
customers are standing there at the urinal doing their
thing (obviously, this type of gorilla marketing only
applies to male "gorillas") the customer will get a
good, long look at your poster. (Depending, of course,
on how much they've just had to drink.) Plus, your URL
is a catchy one, easy to remember, and relatively easy
to spell, so even drunk people will probably remember
it. Additionally, if you've ever gotten blasted (or
even tipsy) you'd know that drunks tend to get really
sentimental.
I like your idea of marketing the kids' version of
your posters to parents. However, I still think that
kids themselves would shell out their money for it,
too. As a kid, I often tried to find easy alternatives
to having to draw some stupid birthday card for my
mom. Parents always seem to prefer things drawn by
their own kids, no matter how bad their kids can draw.
Which brings me to my next major idea. If you had a
means on your site for kids to upload their own
artwork, maybe you could print that artwork onto a
poster, along with the professionally typeset
"inspirational quote", etc. You might be surprised how
many kids know how to upload these days. Darn, I bet
some kids could make the two of us look like the
biggest bunch of stupid idiotic morons on the entire
planet. But I'm sure you already know that. :)
Now, to answer your questions:
1. I am located in New Jersey, near Manhattan.
(Please, no New Jersey jokes!)
2a. Yes, I can follow through on a prototype. I
mentioned that the final piece should be created in
"simulated crayon". In the prototype, however, I
believe in going back to the basics and working in
original crayon. While some might say that the crayon
is not a professional artistic instrument, I am a
strong adherent of the crayon (Crayola, of course) and
will use nothing else.
2b. As far as what I need from TheUnsungHero.com to
get started, all that I ask is to be supplied with the
cost of materials up front. This would be $1.69 for a
box of 16 Crayola crayons, or for superior
craftsmanship, $1.99 for a box of 16 multicultural
crayons. Multicultural crayons are better for drawing
black people and people from weird places, because
with regular crayons, you're always stuck with drawing
half of the world in orange, which looks absolutely
ridiculous. Most people end up saying, "Hey, is that
guy supposed to be Chinese or Indian?" And no matter
how well you draw (like even if you have the guy
holding an eggroll), it's still hard to prove to
anyone that an orange man is either Chinese or Indian.
(It's not Crayola's fault, but I don't blame the
Chinese or Indian people either.) I wouldn't charge
you for the paper, because that cost is negligible and
I could supply my own paper.
3. I would prefer to bill by the hour, only because I
don't know how picky you are yet. Based on the quality
of your existing products, I wouldn't be surprised if
you call my drawings "chicken scratch". But of course,
my kid prototypes will be intentionally childish, so
as long as you agree that there should be some
"coloring outside the lines", I think we'll be fine as
working partners. My fee is reasonable; I charge
$75/hour. I will provide a time estimate, however, and
since I tend to think of myself as having
above-average "brain power", I will not charge you for
time spent beyond the estimate.
If you would like to continue this discussion, I look
forward to it, so please let me know at your earliest
convenience.
Best regards,
Jason Roth
Freelancer
