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Comments, Love Letters, and Death Threats
Comment Archive 22
The posts below were made from July 7, 2005 to September 29, 2005.
You can also visit our previous comment archive.
To make a post, please visit the main comment page.
Name: anonymous
Subject: Constant Gardener
You're an absolute asshole
Editor's Note: I'm disappointed that you didn't explain. It's much more satisfying to know why you're the asshole. (JR)
September 29, 2005 at 00:50:37
Name: William
Subject: Balls-o-Meter
E-mail: wbeaumo1@aol.com
Website: public.clunet.edu/~wbeaumo
Reminds me of Ben Franklin's attempt to maintain a virtuous
character by creating a checklist of what he considered virtues, and
then recording each day how well he adhered to the list. Except
that his virtues are disconnected from concrete actions (e.g., how the
hell do you figure out whether you've imitated Christ and Socrates
today?). Your virtues, though you do not name them explicitly, are
identified by concrete goals that matter to YOU personally, though an
intelligent person could abstract the general principle uniting them and apply
it to his own life. The unifying principle, I take it, is that the goals
are challenging and yet feasible, so accomplishing them gives you
self-esteem and happiness. So, it's not like you tried to "keep your ass in
line" by writing, "Get something done and feel good about yourself
today, you lazy bastard".
Editor's Note: Yeah, if Franklin didn't concretize his virtues, then his plan would have been too vague. But that guy is arguable one of the most successfully "practical" people in the history of time, so I'd be surprised if he wasn't clear in his mind about how to implement the virtues. As for myself, I'm not yet succeeding at the level I want to, but it has given me a kick in the ass on certain days. The tough thing for me, as it always has been, is handling exceptions. I want to give myself days off for "special occasions", but there's a risk that the exception becomes the rule. (JR)
September 19, 2005 at 03:47:57
Name: anonymous
Subject: Pledge of Allegiance
What is wrong with this country the pledge of alliegence is
about pledging your loyalty to your country and taking pride in that but
today everyone is worried about hurting eachothers feelings. I'm 14 yrs
old and as long as i'm in school no matter what the Judge rules i will
proudly say under god and as loud as i can. If someone doesn't want to
say it fine but they can't sit there and tell me i can't say it either.
It is a personal choice!
Editor's Note: I appreciate your independent attitude, and hope you hold onto it. Unfortunately, while you're in school, it's the rights of your parents that are relevant to this issue. The reason is that they are the ones who choose, or should choose, which school you should attend. The main problem is that public schools exist in the first place. "Public" education deprives parents of choosing how they want their children to be educated. Parents are taxed for "public education", and because of this and other taxes, many parents cannot afford to send their children to other (private) schools. If your parents want you to worship God (even for just a short time during the Pledge of Allegiance), that is their right. However, other parents may not want their children spending their time that way in a school. Once God is allowed into school, even a little, we accept the principle that "it's ok for God to be in school". It would be acceptable, according to this principle, to allow God into school in other ways parents might not like. For example, some parents might want a whole class devoted to "God and the United States". But as long as public schools continue to be around, we should honor the rights of parents who don't want "God" in their children's education. This is consistent with the First Amendment of the Constitution: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." This amendment was written as much for religious people as for non-religious people. The point was that no religious ideas should be advocated by government, including even a simple mention that "God exists". Since only government can put people in jail (or worse), it would be very dangerous for government to hold an "official" position on religion. This issue might be clearer to you if you imagine the wording of the Pledge of Allegiance changed to "one nation under Allah". (JR)
September 16, 2005 at 16:18:06
Name: Katrina
Subject: Katrina
E-mail: kirasviking@mac.com
Thought you might be interested to know that I have indeed
been the butt of many hurricane jokes ("We always knew you'd be
responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent people"), however I have not
been assaulted. Granted, however, I have not been down to Louisiana or
Mississippi (which is being completely ignored, even though the worst
part of the hurricane hit there). With regards to people being
responsible for where they live, I'm a little less sympathetic than you are,
and I think your comparison is flawed. I grew up in Southern California.
Earthquake insurance pretty much doesn't exist and yet earthquakes are
a very real threat. Earthquakes are the most destructive natural
disaster, although they are more infrequent than hurricanes. If my parents'
home were demolished in an earthquake, yes, it would be a tragedy,
probably a much more serious one than flooding from a hurricane, to be
honest. It would make things difficult for them, possibly for the rest of
their lives, but that is a risk they are willing to assume in exchange
for the benefits of living there, and they have no illusions about
that. There's a difference between choosing to remain in a place that may
be targeted by evil human beings and living in a natural disaster-prone
area. Terrorists can be stopped; hurricanes and earthquakes cannot.
Terrorism might be eliminated within our lifetimes, but the San Andreas
fault will not. By choosing to live in a major city, you and I are
taking a stand against those who would control us through fear. We are
denying them that victory. You cannot fight a philosophical battle, or
for that matter any kind of battle, against a natural disaster. You do
not accept the threat of terrorism as you accept the threat of a
hurricane, or a snowstorm, or a heatwave. No one deserves to be the victim of
a natural disaster or a terrorist attack, but a hurricane is part of
nature, and as such it is something we must accept as neither good nor
evil. Terrorism is a purely human invention that should not exist and
that no one should have to prepare for.
Editor's Note: Your two key sentences, as I see it, are: "Terrorists can be stopped; hurricanes and earthquakes cannot." And: "Terrorism is a purely human invention that should not exist and that no one should have to prepare for." I agree with you that we "shouldn't" have to prepare for a terrorist attack, but I'm not sure I'm convinced by your argument. The San Andreas Fault might not be eliminated in our lifetimes, but that doesn't mean your parents need to live near it. This kind of thinking is why I've become less sympathetic about the Katrina victims as time has gone by. I've reminded myself how idiotic it is for people to live in places where hurricanes occur badly, frequently (e.g., along the Mississippi coast). And how government encourages people to live there by promising to reimburse them for their damages, just like government encourages people to remain on welfare. Perhaps I stay in the NYC area because it's just been a long time since the attack. If it happens a few more times here in the near future, there's a decent chance I'll start packing. But I go back and forth on this point; I might just be stubborn enough to stay. I guess I'll cross that bridge when it's bombed. (JR)
September 15, 2005 at 13:56:11
Name: Taylor
Subject: You're wrong.
The title "Real Women have Curves" isn't to excuse the
overweight population of America. American media pushes women to think that
they can only be pretty if they're a size double zero. Yes some women
are naturally skinny, but plenty of those models you see on the runway
are on some sort of drug, most likely crack. "Real Women have Curves" was
just bringing attention to the fact that you shouldn't have to be
skinny to think you're pretty. There for your opinion is not intelligent,
you must be male.
Editor's Note: Their four, hear here. Blame everything on the media. It's idiots like you who watch those idiotic celebrity gossip shows with the size 00 women. My favorite show has a man who's mostly bald. How about getting a first name that isn't a last name, and while you're at it, one that isn't androgynous?
September 15, 2005 at 12:41:33
Name: val
Subject: katrina
E-mail: zudans@yahoo.com
I'd like to see the original article. I hate it when people
apologize for saying what they really believe once they realize it's
not socially "normal." "Normal" is usually wrong. I had 2 hurricaines
pass through my town within a month last year. I was responsible enough
to protect my family and buy homeowners and flood insurance. I have
empathy for what these people are going through, but some of their
responses make me sick (and harm those who I would want to help). When
people say "Who's going to pay my bills?" and other insane statements about
how their needs entile them to the propery of others I lose the ability
to care.
Editor's Note: Ok, I accept the challenge. You can read it here. You'll notice that even this version has edits which I made the morning after writing it. The reason I'm now ok with posting the piece in this context is mainly timing. I didn't want my first public comments on the hurricane to sound capricious. This was especially important because the things I wrote weren't my first thoughts, but rather some random musings I came up with while sitting at the computer. But I don't think there's anything especially offensive (to rational people) in that piece. (JR)
September 9, 2005 at 11:27:39
Name: ollop
Subject: its an abortion not a tomato
E-mail: whykingpin@yahoo.com
I agree with you. Her body,her choice...her responsibility.
But that wouldnt be p.c. would it? The truely horrible and disgusting
part of this issue is the blatant use of a double standard while at the
same time screaming about equal rights. This is a major problem for
america but because people are afraid of being labled not p.c. and viewed
as chauvinist women hating "deadbeats" not to mention child hating. The
crimes of the past do not justify revenge today. They cannot as it is a
self perpetuating cycle that ensures violence against women will
probably only get worse. Truely strong women accept a man for what he is... a
human. Not superman or superdad. And as a man is human so is a woman.
Accepting the faults of an individual is the mark of a mature adult.
Throwing blame and using children as bombs are the mark of truely sick
individual. The arguement that men should "keep it in there pants" is
pitiful. Please, if we told women that there would be a war declared by
militant feminists. Women have gone too far with this and its time to
bring them back to earth. I say give them a choice- you can have child
support laws which basically say "i need help because im just a woman" or
you can have legal abortion. Its time to stop giving them both.
Editor's Note: Thanks for your agreement. It's not often that someone with such horrible spelling, punctuation, logic, and philosophy agrees with me. My personal favorite: "Accepting the faults of an individual is the mark of a mature adult." I guess the fact that I thanked you is a sign of my maturity. (JR)
September 8, 2005 at 18:19:03
Name: Jade
Subject: Katrina
E-mail: sin_in_a_box@hotmail.com
What's worse to think that those with no transport available
besides public had no other choice but to stay. A lot of death could
have been avoided with proper action, providing people with more public
transport during evacuation. It certainly would have lessened the stress
at the dome, at least. Also, I'm sure the historical sites of those
areas took a lot of damage if they were not destroyed....Either way you
put it, it was a tragedy.
Editor's Note: I'm not convinced that the lack of public transportation prevented people from leaving, though that may be the case. If I thought my house might be destroyed in a flood, and the mayor actually ordered me out of the city based on the information he was getting, I think I would do more than wait for the bus. But regardless, you're right, it is unbelievably tragic. (JR)
September 5, 2005 at 19:52:23
Name: Ophelia Balls
Subject: Fuck the FCC
Fuck the Fucking Federal Fucking Communications Fucking
Committee! Those motherfuckers inhibit the fucking social development of
millions of fucking people! How? One fucking word- censorship! The
reasons? These little fucking brats, old farts too fucking weak and
decreppit to still be alive, and so-called "ladies" who pass out if someone
as so much looks at their prissy shit-simple asses. And Godlovers.
Because of censorship, we're adults with the social mentality of a
fucking toddler! So we're the ones called retarded, weak, boring, and no
fun. I dream of a world where you can turn on a TV, pick up a newspaper,
and listen to the radio without hearing "Bleeps", or nude parts being
pixellated or blocked. Out in the real world, that's not what reality
is! Tell these brats, farts, godlovers, and prissy-shitfaces to grow
the FUCK up and get a motherfucking life already! Tell the FCC to do the
same! And FUCK GOD!!!!! One final word - Dnn't DARE censor me!
Editor's Note: I never thought I'd protest the use of the word "fuck", but you made it happen. By the way, keep dreaming. As Howard Stern and this guy reported, the FCC is considering regulating satellite radio (or more likely, enforcing their power to regulate it). I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if this happens. What does surprise me is that the Web has not been regulated yet. But it's only a matter of time. It'll start with porn and other stuff that "harms children", and move on from there. It'll be the same path down which the smoking bans have moved. And let me just randomly add: when the fuck are Reuters and AP going to realize that they could make a few bucks in advertising revenue if they just kept their articles freely available for a few goddamn weeks? How many millions of dead links are out there (including the blog I just linked to) because these two moronic news agencies remove their stories after a week or less? (JR)
September 5, 2005 at 16:47:41
Name: NYDNews
Subject: Katrina
The guardians of the public order in Katrina-ravaged New
Orleans, where mobs of gunmen openly loot and rape and carjack and busjack
and peg shots at police officers and soldiers at will - and where
anarchy, Mogadishu-style, is just around the corner if they're not stopped
hard and fast - must regain control immediately. They must do whatever
it takes to curb the hard-core, armed, violent felons who are making it
impossible to save the city.
Editor's Note: I agree. But it sounds like they're now going to force the remaining nonviolent residents out of the city. In a NY Times article, New Orleans police superintendent, P. Edwin Compass III, said, "These people don't understand they're putting themselves in harm's way. We're trying to save them from themselves." They better be careful they don't turn New Orleans into a Waco. (JR)
September 2, 2005 at 10:26:29
Name: Alex
Subject: Hurricane
E-mail: alexmbrae@hotmail.com
I agree with you about knowing what you are getting yourself
into as far as living environment. But I would prefer we concentrate
more upon the event that caused this destruction. Firstly, why are we
naming hurricane such weak ass names, Katrina, Isabelle, Rainbow and
Jellybeans. We should be naming them Hurricane Lucifer or Hurricane Bin
Laden, Hurricane Brimstone. I'm personally waiting until the corporate
world jumps on the Hurricane band wagon, such as "this hurricane is
brought to you by the cool, crisp refreshing taste of Budweiser, the
choclishous taste of After 8 mints and the hurricane fresh smell of new Prell shampoo"........oh well.
Editor's Note: Well said regarding the names. The media really eats that shit up. If hurricanes were numbered instead of named, the whole Moby Dickesque drama would make for less exciting TV. "Hurricane 723L99N is approaching Florida" would sound less like a movie of the week and more like, I don't know, news. (JR)
September 2, 2005 at 08:15:58
Name: ivars
Subject: being nice
E-mail: ivarsboss@yahoo.com
I'm nice, you fucking cunt. So leave nice people like me
alone. If you don't like nice people like me why don't you turn to religion
that hates humanity and fuck off!
Editor's Note: I had high hopes when you called me a cunt, but then you had to go and ruin it by telling me to fuck off. You hurt my feelings, I was really expecting some nice sarcasm. But that's ok, I still consider it a victory when a self-proclaimed nice person calls me a cunt. (JR)
September 1, 2005 at 19:41:58
Name: Trevor
Subject: Supermarket
i work in a supermarket as a cashier, and yeah, most of those
things would be funny as hell, especially for me because i wouldnt be
the one cleaning things up
Editor's Note: Anyway, pranksters ought to take it easy on you. You already have to deal with those annoying, old, naggy bitches. I just saw one the other day that tried to feign ignorance about the price of something and played dumb (dumber than she already was) to see if the cashier would give it to her at the price she thought it was. She found it "near" some lower priced products, she said, so therefore it should have been the same price. Hey, lady. That woman standing behind you is "near" you. Does that mean she's as stupid as you are? (JR)
August 31, 2005 at 19:16:56
Name: Tiffany
Subject: Post
This is horrible. The whole site.
Editor's Note: You might be right about the whole site, but not about that article. If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that "25 Reasons Why McDonald's is Better Than the Catholic Church" is not horrible. Oh, and also that you're not an atheist. (JR)
August 31, 2005 at 10:40:13
Name: Jennifer
Subject: Sex before and after
I just read this story and I loved it. I could not help but
laugh through the whole thing. It is true that all guys really care
about is sex. I will be putting this dating rule into effect immediately.
Thank you!
Editor's Note: Hey, I didn't rule out playing cards or watching TV reruns. I just said sex was better. By the way, as an addendum to that article: you need to find a way to make sure your date starts and ends at a location with a bed (or other suitable platform/surface, not necessarily horizontal). If one person is picking up the other person in a car and dropping them off again afterwards, there's no problem. But if public transportation is involved, you might need to settle for sex before and in the middle of the date. Either that, or just have sex five or ten times at the beginning of the date, and leave the rest of the date for recuperation. (JR)
August 31, 2005 at 00:55:33
Name: Seed Om'k
Subject: Wishing You a Very, Merry September 11th
That is the worst article that I've read all week.
Editor's Note: What was the worst article you read last week? Let's have a run-off and see which is voted worst. You can even put the poll on your site. I'd be honored to be voted "worst article in the last two weeks" by people who like you. (JR)
August 29, 2005 at 18:33:32
Name: Glenn Kaufen
Subject: Popoff
Somehow this asshole got my number, and now his stupid
recording is calling my cell phone asking for money. I'm on the DO NOT CALL
list, does anybody know how to get this idiot to stop calling?
Editor's Note: Well, it's probably worth conducting an experiment to see if the government actually does anything. Here's the do-not-call complaint page. Either that, or you can give Popoff Ministries a "friendly" call: (909) 920-3723. I got that number at Charity Navigator. Interestingly, they show that Peter himself gets a salary of $425,019. And that's not including those trips to the Carribean to film his infomercials. Yaron Brook of the Ayn Rand Institute only gets $185,453. (JR)
August 25, 2005 at 16:46:30
Name: S.
Subject: savethehumans.com/about.shtml
Ibsen, surely?
S.
Editor's Note: I want to thank you, but also to congratulate you. I've had this site, and the "about" page, up for five years, and you're the first person to spot (or point out) my misspelled "Ibsen". (Working in publishing must have made me want to spell out "ISBN".) There's a certain irony in this, considering I bash people constantly for misspellings. Thanks for spotting it, and taking the time to mention it. (JR)
August 24, 2005 11:45:18
Name: Ross
Subject: what happened
JR,
Your site used to be a lot funnier. I check it out a lot less as a
result. What happened?
-Ross
Editor's Note: I really would like to believe you, but the missing e-mail address makes me dubious. Therefore, I'm going to assume you're lying and go on thinking that I've gotten funnier. However, I'll also add that I write less satire and more rantish-type stuff. I'm not sure what everyone else thinks, but I enjoy it. (JR)
August 18, 2005 at 12:58:48
Name: none
Subject: Agree to Disagree?
My only qualm here is that there are no absolutes (not even
this sentence), but there is statistical knowledge, which allows us to
say that yes, because he had the revolver in his hand and nobody else's,
and because he was the only one in the room, and because he pulled the
trigger, the chances that it was someone or something else outside of
this man making that bullet go through her, are inconcievably slim.
Agreeing to disagree, however, is as you say, to deny even statistical
knowledge.
Author's Note: Unfortunately, I would say that 99.99% of your argument coincided with about 0.01% of the very point I was trying to make.Ê And if I may, I would suggest that any comments regarding knowledge as numerically malleable with randomness (or any argument that begins by effacing itself in the first sentence, for that matter) should be shoved into a 3.14159 squared areaÊwithin the posterior portion of your anatomy. (AK)
August 16, 2005 at 12:50:47
Name: John Doe
E-mail: i.am.naked@sheep-printing.com
Subject: The 18 Stupidest Searches
... Unlike my other personality half, I think that you are a raging idiot.
I am sitting next to an electric piano. That piano is smarter than you
are, and if this list is an example of your sense of humor, it would
not surprise me to discover that my piano gets more action than you do.
Hopefully the terrorists will never get ahold of your twisted, juvenile
mind, because I'll bet that they could use it to bore us all to death...
[Remainder of Post Deleted]
Editor's Note: Since you weren't trying to insult me in the rest of your post, I've deleted those parts. Please leave the being unfunny and boring people to death to me. (JR)
August 15, 2005 at 01:03:43
Name: Mike
Subject: Fucking with the Waiter
These are all really great ways to Fuck with your Waiter!!!
Haha. But remember you miserable pieces of shit--I AM THE LAST PERSON
TO TOUCH YOUR FOOD. Muah Muahaha MUAHAHAHA!!!
Remember...poke a dog with a stick...get bitten.
Mike the Waiter
Editor's Note: Bad waiters always seem to get offended by the idea of fucking with bad waiters. (JR)
August 14, 2005 at 16:51:55
Name: Michael
E-mail: spitler_mike@hotmail.com
Subject: Pennies
Actually, from what I heard, way back in the day, somebody
was starting a newspaper for one cent, back when one cent was worth more.
However, not many pennies were in circulation so he started asking
local businesses to cut a penny off their price so people were more likely
to have pennies on them. When he went out of business, stores kept it
because, like you said, they want to fuck with our minds.
I finally tried some Sam Adams too, and it is good stuff. I would buy
more but the bitter hops in IPAs not only preserve it against single
cell organisims but also multi cell ones, like my Dad. I tried some
Brown Sugga' by the same brewer but that is too nasty even for me. Raw
sugarcane does not mix well with hops, barley and yeast!
Editor's Note: I had several varieties of mead while in Boston over the weekend of July 4th. (Evidently, the bar management believes that mead will be the next trendy beverage. I guess it goes back in style every few centuries.) I was very pleasantly surprised. It actually tasted more like a desert wine than beer. It contains more alcohol than the stronger Belgian ales, but it's so sweet and smooth that you'd never know it. Highly recommended if you can find some. (JR)
August 13, 2005 at 06:48:10
Name: Elysse (former Ms. Wheelchair NY)
E-mail: MWMOSC@aol.com
Subject: Ms. Wheelchair America commentary [and reply to recent post]
Are you now putting down the looks of some very accomplished
women? Again, you are entitled to your opinion.
But I don't think you need to put down the winners because they don't
meet your definition of beauty.
Addressing your last comment....
To participate in MWA, you need to have a very intelligent mind. Maybe
you need to go to a pageant and find out what it's really about. All
you are basing your impressions on is your distaste of the pageants you
have seen. You haven't seen this one. It's different. If it wasn't,
I would never have participated, or continue to promote the program and
serve as a state coordinator.
Editor's Note: You're absolutely right that I'm basing my opinion on pageants I have seen. Advancing a political/social cause by means of a beauty pageant format is a great way to beg people to make jokes about it. Those past winners of the Ms. Wheelchair America pageants voluntarily got themselves into this, so I put all the blame on them for any jokes about their appearance. That being said, you may of course be correct that this particular pageant is heads and shoulders above other pageants. However, my cut-off for researching potential targets of ridicule is about ten minutes. If I can't find sufficient reason not to make fun of something in that amount of time, I let the insults fly. (JR)
August 3, 2005 at 21:51:36
Name: John McVey
E-mail: alksentris@yahoo.com.au
Subject: Bad pennies
Hate copper-bronze coins, huh? You need to emigrate to
Australia as we got rid of the mongrel things yonks ago. Minimum coin value
is five cents. Shops still charge to the cent, though. This shows up to
the cent on EFTPOS, but cash transactions are rounded down on the
summed values. Yes, the buy-things-individually joke was done to death
before most of the current living population was even born.
Incidentally, inflation has taken its toll on the more general
pick-up-the-fallen-coin scene. The minimum required value - in Australia anyway
- of coins to be glued, gooed, concreted, or otherwise permanently
affixed to the floor so as to piss off the losers inclined to pocket them
is now 50 cents. Bloody RBA.
JJM
Editor's Note: I'll admit, my ten-cent minimum requirement for picking up coins is probably on the low side. It's not that I'm a penny pincher, I think maybe my mind is still stuck on the idea that a call from a pay phone used to be ten cents. But maybe it's worth calculating profit per unit of time. I estimate that it takes two seconds to pick up a dime that has already caught your eye. There's 3,600 seconds in each hour, and the average minimum work day minus lunch is seven hours, or 25,200 seconds. You could pick up 12,600 dimes in that period of time, for a total of $1,260 per day. That's not a bad salary. For now, I'll keep picking up dimes. (JR)
August 12, 2005 at 07:49:14
Name: former Ms. Wheelchair NY
E-mail: MWMOSC@aol.com
Subject: Ms. Wheelchair America commentary
Apparently when Jason wrote his commentary, he chose to make
up the information he was commenting on.
The Ms. Wisconsin referred to, didn't compete in the national pageant.
That controversy happened months before.
The Ms. Wheelchair America pageant is NOT a beauty pageant. It's
interesting that he included a link to the MWA website, but must not have
visited it himself. Women are judged on achievements and ability to be a
spokesperson for people with disabilities.
The Ms. Wheelchair America pageant exists because women in chairs are
not allowed in other traditional pageants. And, do you honestly think
America is ready to judge a woman in wheelchair wearing a bathing suit
next to a woman who is not and is a size 5 also in a bathing suit? Just
think about how that would go.
Maybe one day. One can hope. But right now, we have Ms. Wheelchair
America.
You have a right to your opinion. Just make sure you have the facts
straight first.
Editor's Note: Most websites took the AP article down, but fortunately it was still on this Indian site: "The pageant was thrown into turmoil in April after Ms. Wisconsin, Janeal Lee, was stripped of her title when a photograph of her standing appeared in a local newspaper." The phrase "stripped of her title" sure sounds like she, well, had a title to be stripped of. I don't think I misled anyone there, though it's within the realm of possibility that the AP writer got it wrong. You then say that the Ms. Wheelchair America pageant is not a beauty pageant. Are you sure you're not in the Miss America Organization? They're deluded enough to think that their pageant is about something other than beauty: "Developed by the Miss America Organization, the Miss America program exists to provide personal and professional opportunities for young women and to promote their voices in culture, politics and the community." But I thought the only way to see if you're right was to take another look at previous winners. I have to say that I'm torn. Looking at the winners' photos, part of me wants to agree with you. Another part of me wonders what the judges had to choose from. I'm assuming the pool of possible winners isn't very large to begin with, which is probably one reason why this is the "Ms." Wheelchair America pageant rather than "Miss". But I thought
your statement about women in wheelchairs not being allowed to enter other pageants was a bit surprising, so I did a little research. Evidently, Miss America has had a state winner who was deaf, and an "aspiring contestant" with one arm. However, looking at the official state contract PDF, indeed you are correct. Entrants do need to swear an absence of disabilities. Therefore, I have clarified one part of my article to read: "But could a single Ms. Wheelchair get married, buy prosthetics, and win Miss America? I don't think so. The husband gets in the way. (And as I've been informed, so would the wheelchair. I guess those steps up to the stage can get you disqualified.)". But as I wrote in the original article, "I don't think we should discriminate against wheelchair chicks in the Miss America or Miss USA competitions". Becoming Miss America should have nothing to do with the functioning of your legs. As long as you're missing a brain, you deserve an equal chance to compete. (JR)
August 3, 2005 at 21:51:36
Name: Jade
E-mail: sin_in_a_box@hotmail.com
Dear JR,
The mention of this fact wasn't included in Lindsey "I am beautiful.
Whatever that means" rant; historically to be plump *cough*fat*cough* was
considered to be healthy/a show of wealth. Now, thin is in for the same
reasons. So perhaps, Lindsey should get a Shape subscription and deal
with it.
-Jade
P.S. Loved the Ms. WheelChair America article.
Editor's Note: Thanks. By the way, the "healthy" explanation is plausible. It's deeper than the "show of wealth" explanation, which might affect men's choice in putting their fat wives in paintings, but not in their choice of which servant to bang in the study after tea time. (JR)
July 28, 2005 at 17:13:24
Name: Indpls
E-mail: xghostthunderx@yahoo.com
Subject: infant perv
I feel any man sick enough to let alone rape a woman but a
child should be raped and then sentenced to death. Sure they say that
they can be rehabilated but no one can tell me that a man who can do such
things can just one day quit. The reason the goverment lets these
perverts out is because its cheaper that way.
Editor's Note: Not because it's cheaper, but because it's more charitable. Murder, rape, most forms of child molestation, and kidnapping are all offenses that should require life sentences. (JR)
July 25, 2005 at 22:11:36
Name: Gay guy.
Subject: You're probably gay.
Plain and simple.
Editor's Note: It's funny how people use an accusation of homosexuality as an insult towards people they accuse of being anti-homosexual. I didn't realize there was such a homophobia problem within the gay community. (JR)
July 24, 2005 at 23:13:33
Name: Adrian
E-mail: southuvsanity@hotmail.com
Subject: FahrenHYPE 9/11
You may have heard of this already, but there's a movie out
now called FahrenHYPE 9/11 that highlights the information Moore either
left out or fabricated to make his "point". Unlike Fahrenheit 9/11,
FahrenHYPE 9/11 is a real documentary whose makers use logic and facts as
opposed to emotional arguments and lies.
Moore is so obviously concerned with "making" money, I figure he should
write a book on "how to fake intellectualism" which could include
chapters on arguments that appeal to emotion but defy reason, condescending
to your adversaries, explaining everything with a conspiracy theory,
and good 'ol America-bashing.
-Adrian
Editor's Note: I've heard of the movie, and maybe I'll check it out at some point. But watching Moore's movie is like walking past a drugged-out bum and hearing him yell something about politics or religion. Neither really requires a response. (JR)
July 23, 2005 at 18:58:02
Name: Jack
Subject: Laughs
Penis in bowling ball...hoo boy buddy we've all been there...
Editor's Note: I wonder if ambulances are stocked with Crisco, just in case. (JR)
July 23, 2005 at 05:49:33
Name: distractingattemptatfunnyname
Subject: London Bombing
I agree. Like the old Romans used to say: "to create peace
sometimes you have to create a beach" in others words, if a certain group
of people in a certain area is a threat to the nation, destroy
everything in that area. Maybe weep for the innocent victims for a few days.
But continue on as a peaceful nation until the next group come around
trying to mess with us.
Editor's Note: Coincidentally, there's plenty of good sand in the areas we need to turn into beaches. (JR)
July 20, 2005 at 17:42:12
Name: Dave H.
Subject: Popoff's porno water
I think Peter Popoff looks like a wax sculpture. He has to be
a second copy of someone else. The funniest thing is I turned on BET
late night for some rap videos, and I see this guy and so I call to try
to send the free spring water to someone at my school as a joke. But
they must have traced my call because somehow they got my number and are
shipping me the damn healing water. I think the guy has been drinking a
little Popoff and the water probably came from his water faucet in
his house.
The best guy is Robert Tilton though. This guy says
"God is working on someone right now...it's...it's someone in a house". IF
you feel like wasting some of your life but getting some laughs turn on
BET on late sunday nights. These guys are a fucking riot.
Editor's Note: I take your word for it that it's funny. Unfortunately, there's no room in my memory for BET show times. (JR)
July 18, 2005 at 23:59:35
Name: Brian
Subject: keyboard
you forgot to tell people to change their keyboard to a
foreign language when they are away from their computers, or change the keys
configuration.
Editor's Note: That is a good one. A friend also told me about a college prank, in which a guy's keyboard was rigged to play an audio recording of "fuck you" upon every keystroke. The guy didn't know how to disable it, and had to type an entire paper listening to it. Ok, it's probably an urban legend, but at least it's a good one. (JR)
July 17, 2005 at 23:28:33
Name: karl
Subject: this guy's a moron.
This is addressed to the author. How dare you sir. Yes, the
bus driver may be from sub-saharan africa. and you may be from
northeastern america for which you should feel priveliged. this guy just
wanted to get in on some of it. little did he know he'd have jerks like
you expecting such a petty thing from him. So it was hot? calm down,
grow up and get on with your day.
Editor's Note: The assholes of the world thank you for your support. (JR)
July 17, 2005 at 02:56:07
Name: Mary Beth
E-mail: mbtull@uchicago.edu
Subject: objectivists
Unfortunately, I run into this stick-up-your-ass paranoia
among objectivists far too often. Apparently they think that people can't
read something and decide, all by themselves, which parts are right
and which are wrong. You know, those lowly people who haven't been
wholly converted to Leonard Peikoff's Official Objectivism just aren't
correct enough to, say, read Nathaniel Branden and not get so emotionally
caught up in the, er, excitement to realize that authors sometimes make
mistakes. Oh, sorry, only Peikoff's mistakes are acceptable, I forgot.
And Rand, well, she just didn't make any. Damn.
Not that I have anything against Rand, Peikoff, or Branden. They are
all brilliant writers, and I love reading their books and analyzing
their ideas. Rand's ideas changed my life and enabled me to think my way away from Catholicism and into reality. I hate that I have to lessen
that statement by following with something that should be understood:
because she and I are mortal, and because I use my own brain, I disagree
with her on some issues. The world may now collapse.
I mean, when I read something, I don't tastelessly swallow it on some
authoritative worship. For example, I read this website I really like,
but mixed into the articles is something to the effect of "beer is god."
So I think to myself, "I love the opinions and unforgiving humor of
this author. But wait a minute, every time I've tried beer, it tasted like
stomach bile. Except, of course for that tasteless beer I like to call
'yellow sparkly water,' like rolling rock or miller lite. Those
weren't too bad."
Editor's Note: It's unfair to say "Leonard Peikoff's Official Objectivism" without explaining the reason for the sarcasm. Perhaps you can post again with examples from his formulation of Objectivism that you disagree with. I don't recall anything from OPAR that I disagreed with, though I'm not convinced in his "target civilians" philosophy of war. I must say that he was one of the most brilliant speakers I've ever seen. But as to your main point, I think a lot of Objectivists fall into two categories: what Rand terms "intrincists" (more common) and subjectivists (less common, and more obviously not true Objectivists). Intrincisists feel the need to defend ideas as if reality required their defense. Subjectivists take pleasure in the fantasy that their own spewage can mold reality. Let's just say that they both have reality issues. (JR)
July 16, 2005 at 22:22:15
Name: Lindsey
Subject: Your article is heartless.
Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. My take on this is, if
you're healthy and you're happy with who you are, that is beautiful.
There are women who are a size 2 and there are women who are a size 14.
I don't look at the two standing next to each other and compare,
saying, "well, if that one was smaller, THEN she'd be pretty". I find it's
better to appreciate individual beauty as you come across it, in the
NOW.
American culture is ever-evolving. Right now, thin is in. There are
many people in the entertainment industry doing ridiculous things in
order to fit into these "rules" of size, and it does affect us. We look
at these people, and than we look at ourselves, and because we are not
like them we are not good enough. There is that negative reinforcement
everywhere, but it doesn't only come from the television. ...I don't
think I need to get into all the other sources, open up your mind and
think about it.
And even these people who are overweight, unhealthy. ... when you put
them down for their disordered eating, remember that the food is merely
a symptom. ...it is NOT the problem. These people cannot simply put
down the Doritos because they eat them to keep from expressing or feeling
an emotion that scares them. They are usually very sensitive people
who are people-pleasing, without regard for themselves. Do not judge
them. You haven't a clue what they've been through.
And you're probably the type of person who, after reading my response,
will automatically think there must be something terribly wrong with my
appearance. I'll leave that decision up to you. Think what you want.
I am beautiful. Whatever that means.
Editor's Note: I took the liberty of bolding your best line. Very funny - please post again soon. By the way, I have a theory about the prominence of large, fleshy women in the history of art. The wealthy men who compelled their wives and daughters to remain in the home had to reap what they sowed. As a result, a modeling shortage ensued. And another thing. Why do people find it acceptable to use historical norms as a justification for fatness, but reject current norms as a justification for thinness? I'll refrain from jokes about having your cake and eating it, too. I don't want to make anyone hungry. (JR)
July 16, 2005 at 01:09:33
Name: waitress
Subject: lol
Both offensive and hilarious.
Editor's Note: But seriously, how is that offensive, even mildly? You don't actually sympathize with the waiter, do you? Some people, including at least one waiter, have even posted angry comments about that piece. To me, it's like saying, "This chicken is delicious, but the waiter who served it to me is a fucking nazi for peddling murdered animals". (JR)
July 15, 2005 at 17:08:58
Name: Doubting Tom
Subject: Dog rape and politics...?
Ok, so when I saw this story I was suspect. Heck, I really
figured it was made up. So I hit Google with 'cory williamson princess'
and to my even greater shock I get headlines like "Republican Teen Rapes
Dog" and "This is what happens when you bring your child up
Republican..."
What the...?
Child abductions and pedophiles next door may have replaced the
homeless as the media whipping post, but what's worse is that every story has
to have some kind of political angle. Aside from Fox, that angle is
usually, somehow, anti-republican or anti-Bush. But that aside, more times
than not I would think a dog rape is not politically motivated, either
way.
Editor's Note: What about a donkey rape? For that matter, maybe Fox News could change their logo to an elephant raping a donkey. Their new slogan could be: "We rape donkeys." (JR)
July 12, 2005 at 13:06:27
Name: val
E-mail: zudans@yahoo.com
I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. You are awesome.
I am scared at the same time (not about your humor). It is the grammar
and spelling from the comments. No one seems to know the difference
between your and you're, to and too, and their and there (not to mention
its and it's which I have to think about each time). Amazingly, even
AP articles are screwing it up. Unfortunately, we are all going to die
when these idiots are in charge.
Regarding fat women: I don't like them.
Regarding beer: Pilsner Urquell, Guiness, Sierra Nevada, Upper Canada Dark (until bought by Sleeman, but still okay), [Budweiser is better
than water when there is no alternative]
Regarding profanity: I don't fucking like it (usually shock to
substitute for real humor).
Regarding pot-smoking libertarians: legal but immoral (to purposely
drug your brain to escape reality).
Regarding slinkies: very big laugh.
Thank you for what you do.
Editor's Note: Thank you for the compliments, but I must take issue with your use of the word "fucking". Besides the fact that your use of the word contradicts your argument, you've mischaracterized the proper use of profanity in humor. It's generally not used as humor (or as a substitute for humor, as you put it), but rather as a stylistic element or form of punctuation. Even when it's used more or less as a punchline, it's usually funny due its juxtaposition to other elements of a sentence. Also, although pot is not for me, I find it dubious to claim that its use necessarily constitutes escaping from reality. How do you like that, I got my "its" and "it's"s right. Shit. How the fuck do I make "it's" plural, and still keep it in quotes? Perhaps the preferred method would be to use italics rather than quotes (see 9.6.5: Forming plurals and possessives of italicized words), then take Strunk's and White's suggestion of doubling the "s". So: it'ss. And while I'm on the subject of grammar, let me add that I think people who unfailingly treat "data" as a plural noun are a bunch of pretentious, ignorant pricks. Depending on the context, "data" may be considered an uncountable noun, and therefore used similarly to "water" or "sand". E.g., "some water/sand/data", "this water/sand/data", etc. If you're talking about three items of data, then fine, say "these data". But if you're talking about 18 trillion or so database records, for fuck's sake, I expect to hear "this data". (JR)
July 12, 2005 at 11:52:06
Name: Baladad, Paolo
Subject: That was funny
That was really funny. Do you have ways on how to amuse
yourself in school?
Editor's Note: No, but that's not a bad idea. The down side is that I might get sued for encouraging shootings. People can be so goddamn petty. (JR)
July 11, 2005 at 06:05:05
Name: curves
Subject: in defense of large breasts
It is not, as a rule, the feminists who question the nature
of other womenÕs breasts, having other major concerns,( equal pay for
equal work, maintaining the current level of access to reproductive
choice, violence against women, et cetera). The question seems more a
result of idle curiosity, and it is not associated with particular
subgroup, ideology, or gender. It seems simply to fall into the category of
prurient gossip.
Perhaps forgiving the inference that silicon is realer than tofu is
appropriate in the name of humor, but what is not is the fact that
nowhere on your entire list does the reality that breasts should serve any
function beyond being attractive to men. Attractiveness is, of course, a
function of breasts, even a major one, but breasts should also serve
some other function for the person attached to them, i.e. the woman. I
propose some alternative benchmarks to see if the breasts are real, in
nor particular order.
1.) They provide pleasure to the woman: Do they have sensation? Are
they sexually sensitive? Do they painful or numb?
2.) They do not interfere with the health of the woman: Are they at
risk of leaking toxic substances into the woman? Do they cause back
problems? Do they make healthy levels of exercise problematic? (Elsewhere
on this website you specifically seem to support exercise.) Do they
interfere with early detection of breast cancer through mammography?
3.) They are able to provide the most nutritious food to an infant in
the case the woman has a child.
However, I would agree that asking personal questions or spreading
slander when coming across a woman with unusually attractive or large
breasts is far less desirable than quiet appreciation or silent distaste, in
accordance with the aesthetic of the voyeur.
Editor's Note: I think I agree with you, and am also in favor of the installation of large, fake breasts that are both sensitive and healthful. Incidentally, when I was verifying my use of "healthful" at the Merriam Webster site, I noticed that the second definition included this sentence, a quote by Saul Bellow: "he felt incapable of looking into the girl's pretty, healthful face". Perhaps this girl had recently had the surgery in question herself. (JR)
July 10, 2005 at 23:39:22
Name: Barb
E-mail: barbara.wilson@jcu.adu.edu
Subject: YOUR SHIT
Editor's Note: In only two words, you managed to find a way to pull off spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. Though to be fair, if it's a spelling error, I guess it doesn't count as a grammar error. (JR)
July 10, 2005 at 02:59:53
Name: misogynisthater
Subject: Jason Roth's ignorance
Jason Roth is a misogynistic ignorant pig. Perhaps he should
pull his Howard Stern, Playboy and Penthouse loving oversized head out
of his ass (no doubt he is enjoying the sensation of having it up
there) long enough to see that real women come in all shapes and sizes and
health and fitness are deterimined by doctors not masogynistic pigs such
as himself. If Jason wants to hate women of size simply because they
are big.. or decides to assume that they do nothing but eat or are lazy
that's his ignorance to deal with. Perhaps it might not have crossed his
very small mind ( I'm sure he's got the full set of coordinating
undersized appendages) that movies like the one he speaks of in his article
exist because of people like himself and Dennis Leary. Here's a tip for
you Jason.. perhaps you should try an anger management course. In case
you have't heard.. blind hatred toward an entire group of people based
on an attribute that you dislike is called bigotry. You are a small man
with a small mind.
Editor's Note: My annoyance is towards people who see no esthetic or health differences between fat and not fat. But here's what I really want to know: what do you have against commas? (JR)
July 7, 2005 at 23:23:17
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