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Comments, Love Letters, and Death Threats
Comment Archive 12
The posts below were made from April 11, 2003 to June 27, 2003.
You can also visit our previous comment archive, containing messages from March 28, 2003 to April 10, 2003.
To make a post, please visit the main comment page.
Name: StarvingWriter
Subject: Miscellaneous
1. What, no "preview" button for the comment box?
2. You haven't received a comment since April 10th? And yet every day
before that, you had a few. What's up with that? You on vacation?
3. Submissions: "Do you see your writing, art, cartoons, or photos on
savethehumans.com?" If I do, I'll be sending you a takedown notice as
per the DMCA, OK? Except this comment, of course. Maybe you meant "Would
you like to see...?" Wanna hire a proofreader? I'm cheap.
4. Submissions: How much do you pay and what rights are you buying? You
should specify that. And yes, you should pay your writers, even if only
a dollar an article. Symbolism is important. And I'm cheap.
Also, you oughtta turn savethehumans into a blog. It'd probably be
easier for you to maintain and it'd be funnier for all of us. I don't
recommend MyPHPBlog from SourceForge yet, though, because when I tried it I
got a lot of undefined variable errors in my Apache logs. But, hey, the
answers are out there.
Kick ass. Further.
Editor's Note: Please post again, and this time include your e-mail address. How do you expect me to contact you with your job offer? After all, I always make it a point to give my money to annoying, presumptuous assholes. (JR)
June 27, 2003 at 01:31:41
Name: Thomas Shahan
E-mail: Tshaman1000@yahoo.com
Subject: Reverse Discrimination
You are full of shit. Ford and the Ford Motor Company has
orchestrated more fruads than Mario Puzi.
Discrimination is discrimination, regardless what group is giving and
what group is taking. Society gets confused when their prejudice blinds
them and your values are obviously prejudice.
The situation will never be corrected until color is not the question
and discrimination ios address by the facts and not someone's personal
interests.
By the way, any company making automobiles with internal combustible
engines are a part of the largest discrimination ever perpetrated. They
discriminate against mankind. Millions of electric cars are already on
the roads in countries that do not have a vested interest in gasoline
and oil. Self interest is wrong and discriminatory, but it is a fact of
life, especially in those that have a vested interest in continuing the
evil. If you want the facts read the Holy Bible, it has the truth.
Can you handle it?
Editor's Note: Ah, now I understand. The "Bible" stuff explains why your statements are so vague and devoid of intellectual content. Nevertheless, answer me this. Do you think God would be in favor of Ford producing SUVs, if SUVs were the only thing that could hold all those goddamn animals during the next flood? (JR)
June 25, 2003 at 13:59:49
Name: Asuka
Subject: Jerk
you are seriously sick and I hope you get pay back 4 wat u
just wrote. Being catholic is a wonderful thing and Altar children are so
didcated to it and you shouldnt even THINK about hurting them. I
promise you that you will get your pay back sooner or later. By God or the
siants or the angels. If i were you i would pray for forgivness and
delete this site!
Editor's Note: Hey, I didn't think about hurting the altar children. I just thought about priests fucking them. (JR)
June 23, 2003 at 16:29:25
Name: David Buchner
E-mail: buchner@wcta.net
Subject: Berkeley
You went to Berkeley and that's all you have to say about it? I want to hear more!
Editor's Note: Fortunately, there isn't much to say; I spent most of my time working. My free time was spent in San Francisco, which was very cool. Berkeley was also a beautiful city. I think the key to enjoying both these cities is to leave them quickly. (JR)
June 22, 2003 at 09:06:43
Name: Jessica
Subject: Social Darwinism?
It's been a while since I've actually thrown in my two
cents on this site. Then again, it's been a while since I've found
something amusing enough to consider writing about. As made clear through
some of my previous comments, I live in the state of Florida. The news
here is always interesting in that laughable sort of way, but I have
noticed a new trend in the headlines lately. The news has been featuring
local idiots who have actually met their own unfortunate deaths due to a
clear lack of any normal thought process. This just proves that
Darwinism is still alive and well.
Incident one involves a vicious alligator attack (believe it or
not, these are pretty common here) which resulted in the death of a local
teen. Normally this would be slightly saddening, but here is the
complete story in a nutshell: the boy saw the gator, his friends warned him
not to swim, but he decided to swim in the gator-infested lake. This
kid actually decided to take his chances with one of the deadliest
creatures known to man. Is this not the same as begging to be eaten? I fail
to see the difference.
Another incident involves the brilliant couple who decided that,
even though they had never actually been boating before, they should go
out in the middle of a thunderstorm to test their new boat. These two
fine examples of the human mind at work also decided that a radio and
cell phone were completely unnecessary. They are now missing. Go figure.
A man, while walking to his car, spotted a raccoon. He thought the
raccoon looked a bit strange so he proceeded to kick it, in hopes that
it would leave him alone. It turns out that the animal had rabies, and
kicking it only made it more angry. The man is now in the hospital
suffering from a rabid raccoon bite.
In a more public story, two men are being accused of instigating a
fight with none other than Mike Tyson. Did it really seem like a good
idea to provoke this guy?
Okay, so maybe none of this had anything to do with topics
mentioned in any of your articles, but I just couldn't resist. I just had to
give my opinions at the risk of sounding like a heartless asshole.
- LOVE JESS
Editor's Note: Your accounts of stupidity remind me of a recent experience. I was making a purchase at a local liquor store. Because I couldn't carry everything I was buying, I left the first half of the purchase on the counter. (I had already gotten the vodka for my girlfriend, and was now ready to pick out the beer for myself. I chose Tetley's that day, a very good choice if I do say so myself.) When I set down the vodka and club soda, I specifically asked the lady at the counter if it was ok. Though she was busy doing something, she said "no problem". When I finally came back with my beer, the customers in front of me were in the process of discovering that they had just paid for a bottle of Ketel One and club soda. Then, after having to ask her boss to reimburse the customers, the lady said "somebody" had "left" their stuff on the counter, thereby causing her presumably "honest" confusion. Ok, so nobody died in my example. But isn't it amusing when people discover that the refusal to accept the evidence of their senses results in negative consequences? Aren't you supposed to learn this shit when you're a kid? (JR)
June 22, 2003 at 02:15:00
Name: J.
Subject: Letter to Salon.com Editor
I thought of a stupid joke while reading your letter to
salon.com editor.
Q: When does a man know his woman's not faking?
A: When she's screaming another guy's name... The problem is the guy
ends up faking at this point.
Editor's Note: Argh, thanks for bringing this up again. The thought of a bunch of chicks laughing about faking an orgasm makes me sick. It's one thing to demonstrate your lack of self-esteem by turning sex into a self-sacrificial act of performance art. It's another thing to bring it up again with your friends and show it off like a trophy. (JR)
June 21, 2003 at 17:02:35
Name: Michael
E-mail: spitlermike@surewest.net
Subject: Dumb Broad changed her mind!
I was just watching Fox News today, and I saw something which
really bugged the hell out of me. Turns out that woman named Roe from
Roe versus Wade doesn't like abortion anymore. Seems she wants the
case to be overturned so we can go back to the era of gruesome back alley
abortions and ruined careers. Who does that bitch think she is
anyways?
So, now that she has changed her mind, everything has to change just
for her too. I guess all the thousands of women who don't agree with her
will have to just deal with it.
This is driving me nuts. It seems like everyone is going insane.
Where the hell do these idiots get the idea that a potential human being
has rights like an actual human being. These same blowhards say that 19
year olds like me are too young for booze! Bullshit! I am a potential
21 year old, give me a damn beer! And why are they so fucking pissed
off at pedophiles, the little children they abuse are just potential
adults so I don't see why they are so angry. (I am not for being lenient
on pedophiles, I am just showing how hypocritical those bastards are.)
Grrrr!!!!
I know this is a bit off topic, but I need to release some steam
because if I get too mad I get violent...
Editor's Note: I agree, that was disappointing news. You can thank Christianity for her miraculous change of opinion. (JR)
June 17, 2003 at 19:19:42
Name: Amanda Beaver
E-mail: Mynicknameismud@yahoo.com
Subject: holocaust
There are many people who are unaware of the holocaust, and
people who deny that the holocaust even happened. Anti semitism and
ignorance about our worlds history are very real and dangerous threats.
History does repeat itself, and knowing about the past helps to prevent
the events from reoccuring.
God Bless and Shalom,
Amanda Beaver
Editor's Note: Knowing why the events happened can prevent them from reoccurring. (JR)
June 16, 2003 at 17:35:50
Name: Sophie
E-mail: sophiezwink@yahoo.com
Subject: Berkeley
You went to Berkeley? What were you thinking?
Editor's Note: I was thinking, "My boss told me to, and I like being employed." (JR)
June 13, 2003 at 16:08:04
Name: Yooz Guys
E-mail: galo2222@yahoo.com
Subject: Hillary for president
Hillary (or any other woman) for president? Come now. Can
you envision any woman sitting across the table, speaking with a foreign leader who's country treats women as second class citizens (if that), trying to persuade that leader to see things our way? Until women are respected to the degree that men are (by other major countries), I will not vote for one, even if I think they are better than a male candidate.
Any opinions?
Editor's Note: I think even the leaders of a country like Saudi Arabia would be able to put their fear of the United States in its proper place above their disdain for women. If anything, it's up to the U.S. to change the world, not to defer to every third-world prejudice. So of course I'd vote for a woman. Not for Hillary, but for a woman. (JR)
June 13, 2003 at 07:37:04
Name: Kevin
Subject: asses article
You! That was YOU checking out my package!
You dirty, dirty truck fucker.
June 10, 2003 at 23:07:57
Name: jesse Mccarthy
E-mail: curve_slightly147@hotmail.com
Subject: environmentalism
The fact that the environmentalists would rather let human
beings die in order to keep animals comfortable in the "natural surroundings", makes me wonder if they are willing to be the ones who die?
Editor's Note: I don't know if they're willing to be the ones who die, but I wouldn't lose sleep over it. (JR)
June 10, 2003 at 12:22:36
Name: Nikita
E-mail: funky_nickie@yahoo.com
Subject: A Cause For Celebration
Jason,
I just wanted you to know that here, a couple of time-zones away in
Ukraine, I'm preparing to celebrate one year with Savethehumans.com, a
magazine for people who have got more brains than frogs, more balls than
grasshoppers, more sense of humor than PETA, and still appreciate
correct spelling.
A year ago, I was preparing a presentation about politically incorrect
humor (I'm an English teacher, actually), and the above-mentioned
searchwords into Yahoo!. Guess which address I got? I must admit I didn't
use any of your materials for the presentation, but I got hooked, and
came back later. And now - Jesus fucking Christ! -I've realized I've been
coming here for a year! Allah fucking Akhbar, I say. You're doing a
good job!
So thank you, friend, you've achieved some of your goals - namely, your
magazine is being read, discussed and recommended in a remote Eastern
European country.
Cheers, buddy!
Nikita
PS Disclaimer: I'm not sure if grasshoppers actually HAVE got balls,
it's just a figure of speech. Although PETA would probably call me an
ignorant, insect-bashing chauvinist. Shit, at least I don't eat 'em, like
they do in Africa. Go ahead, call me an ignorant,
culturally-insensitive racist. I'm in a good mood today.
Editor's Note: Though I commented that the previous post gives me the spiritual energy to go on, this kind of post ain't too bad either. Thanks, I appreciate it. It is nice to know that there are thinking people out there who actually receive the proverbial shit I like to spew. Hopefully I can keep the site updated on a regular basis again. BTW, I've recently heard about a Japanese restaurant in NYC that serves grasshoppers. I intend to try them, so I'll let you know whether they have balls, and if so, how they taste. They can't be worst than balut. (JR)
June 9, 2003 at 08:16:44
Name: disgusted
Subject: JR the dick
Dear Jason,
You are truly a fucking low-life moron !!!!
Editor's Note: Thank you. This kind of feedback gives me the spiritual energy to go on. (JR)
June 6, 2003 at 07:09:32
Name: CherryB
E-mail: chibicherryb@hotmail.com
Subject: America's reasons for invading Iraq
My dear, you mentioned that America started a war, not in
order to help the Iraqi people, but "in its selfish interests to protect
the lives of its own citizens."
I'm thrilled that you seem to have information that the rest of the
world does not. Could you please tell me the location of the weapons of
mass destruction and chemical warfare that was so threatening to the
USA?
Of course, your President is so delicate, his particular weapon of
death was almost a pretzle (RoldGold is obviously a terrorist funded
company and should be taken out immediately), so perhaps some fuzzy pictures,
a student's essay, and some inconclusive evidence was reasonable enough
for him.
Then again, this is the same guy who's supreme intelligence and public
speaking ability is only rivaled by Dan Quail and Phillip of Great
Briton.
"Make the pie higher."
Ah yes. Wisdom of the ages.
Editor's Note: You've convinced me. Let's put Hussein back in power. (JR)
June 5, 2003 at 23:45:29
Name: Nikita
E-mail: funky_nickie@yahoo.com
Subject: What's up?
J,
what's wrong? It's been two weeks now... Have the Al-Qaeda fuckers
gotten you?
Editor's Note: Now that I'm finally posting this, it's been even longer. No, I'm not dead yet. Though I should probably make arrangements for someone to announce my death on this site should I be unable to do so. (JR)
May 29, 2003 at 07:02:37
Name: Eric
Subject: Audio File
What's up with the smordoff audio file?
Editor's Note: Congratulations, you discovered the file that loads when you click on the Save the Humans logo on the homepage. What's up with it? I think it speaks for itself. Obviously, alcohol was involved. (JR)
May 24, 2003 at 15:41:01
Name: jerett
Subject: this site sux
ok ur sight is some stupid piece of shit...you make fun of
homeless people....wow ur funny...and then you make a punk rock cover
list which is just filled up with a bunch of shitty pop bands a some
shitty 3rd wave ska bands.....go listen to some blink 182 and suck on ur
moms tits
Editor's Note: Thank you for browsing my site even after you realized it sucked. I'm disappointed, however, that you stopped short of sending me money. (JR)
May 24, 2003 at 00:46:27
Name: cynthia
Subject: yo
Nice site, I think I just spent an hour here. I should go...
May 18, 2003 at 23:19:10
Name: Paul Heller
E-mail: pfheller@cox.net
Subject: charm school
I just drifted through your article of a while back, the one in which you called Dan Rather an "undead bastard" (I think I read that right) because he noticed that Bush reads his speeches from a tele-promp-ter (which of course he does). That doesn't suprise me as much as the fact that Bush can read at all.
Anyway. The reason I found your article in the search engines, sir, is that I am researching whether or not W. Bush is a bastard baby. Hey, he doesn't much look like his father, does he? Jeb does, but not George W. I figure, on facial analysis alone, that Barbara might have slept with Bonzo back in the day, and so Bush may even be what Michael Medved calls a "celebrity bastard baby".
What do you think? You seem to know everything. You tell me.
Paul Heller... www.hellermountain.com
Editor's Note: If you think I'm an asshole, can't you at least come out and say it? Or, at least, try to incorporate some humor value into your future attempts at subtlety. (JR)
May 18, 2003 at 05:17:14
Name: Mick
Subject: McDonald's and the Catholic Church
The fact that one could even compare a fast food place
to the Catholic church sickens me. Anyone with any religious sense
knows there's no better religion. The Catholic church... powerfull,
wonderfull, perfect. "...the kind of civilization which conflicts with the
doctrines and laws of the holy Catholic Church is nothing but a
worthless imitation and a meaningless name." -Leo XIII (1878)
Editor's Note: Ha! "Religious sense"!! That's a good one! Maybe Carlin can add that to his list of oxymorons. But seriously... Would it also sicken you if I compared a day care center to Sunday School? Or do you think that tainting a legitimate profession like day care with images of sexual molestation would be in bad taste? One more thing. How in God's name can you reach adulthood (which I'm only assuming you have, since most kids I know have not yet fully succumbed to their dogmatism) and not yet learned how to spell the suffix "ful"? Perhaps it's because you're too busy memorizing Bible verses instead of learning how to operate your brain. (JR)
May 17, 2003 at 00:03:28
Name: mnl_1221
E-mail: mnl_1221@yahoo.com
Website:mnl_1221.tripod.com/dennismiller.html
Subject: Dennis Miller
Hi! I'm inviting people of all stripes to visit my new
website, and to leave your comments there, too!
An Open Letter to Dennis Miller
mnl_1221.tripod.com/dennismiller.html
or
members.tripod.com/~MNL_1221/dennismiller.html
If you wish to add your own letter to my site after you've read mine to
Miller, please e-mail me. Thanks!
Editor's Note: Maybe it's just me, but whenever I see a web page that long and with the design all over the place, I tend to question the sanity of the page's owner. (JR)
May 13, 2003 at 15:38:34
Name: Robert Fisher
E-mail: AQuinault@hotmail.com
Subject: need an umbrella stand?
And you thought the Chicken Holocaust was
surreal?
www.peta.org/feat/newkirk/
Editor's Note: Wow. I couldn't not respond to this, so I sent PETA the following: "I've just read that Ms. Newkirk has specified in her will that some of her body parts will be distributed to various "animal haters". Can I request that you send me one of her toes? I'd like to make myself a "lucky Newkirk's foot", but carrying around her entire foot would not be convenient." (JR)
May 8, 2003 at 12:28:07
Name: anonymous
Subject: Enough Photos of Firemen and Flags
[Anti-American diatribe censored by the editor.]
Editor's Note: In the wild west, I would have chased you off my land with a shot gun. Since we're living in the Internet age, I have the semi-satisfying privilege of simply ignoring you. (JR)
May 6, 2003 at 16:21:21
Name: Shaz-bot
Subject: Apology (kind of)
Your 41 stupid things to do in a men's public restroom was a
hit in my office.
You're at your best when you're being funny. When you talk politics,
you tend (hopefully for the sake of humor) to get a bit too crazy.
Editor's Note: Don't know what you're apologizing for, but apology accepted. Perhaps, as suggested by Mr. White in Reservoir Dogs, you had a dream about shooting me and had to wake up and apologize? (JR)
May 6, 2003 at 12:33:28
Name: David Buchner
E-mail: buchner@wcta.net
Subject: Mr. Rogers quote
(From the top of "Let 'Em Loot")
"Something that is, is always somewhere, even if we can't see it."
- Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers)
No way! Is that a real quote? Where did you find it? Cool.
Editor's Note: That is absolutely a real quote. I was flipping through the channels one day, and heard him say it myself. You gotta love hearing Mr. Rogers teach an axiom of metaphysics. (JR)
April 30, 2003 at 09:27:23
Name: charisse
Subject: Rape and bicycle
You wrote that it is a contradiction that feminists want to
protect a woman's right to dress as she pleases, but denounce
pornography. First of all most feminists make a distinction between erotica and
porn. This difference is that of power. Porn erotices power imbalances
and violence creating a specific idea about sexuality. Erotica
represents equality. Your analogy between the bicycle and rape is absurd.
Bikers need to have lights at night becuase cars need to see them. Men
don't need to sleep with every woman they find attractive. I have yet to
read an scientific article, supported with biological research, that
men have no control over themselves when aroused. Though, in the book
"Men Who Rape" written by a man who works with sex offenders, it is
stated that men rape becuase of power and control issues. They use rape
to satisfy non-sexual needs. It doesn't have anything to do with mini
skirts and push up bras. Rape was a problem long before such things
existed and occur in places where women are covered from head to foot .
Rapes usually don't happen at night and by strangers. Rather they
generally occur in a home and are acted out by a person the victim knows and
trusts.
Editor's Note: You seem to think I was writing a defense of rape. Quite the contrary; I'm actually not a big fan of rape. I am, however, a fan of responsibility, and believe that a woman who dresses like a slut and walks through a ghetto late at night deserves some responsibility for making a shitty decision. And that distinction you're trying to make between erotica and porn is ridiculous. Erotica is just watered-down, rated-R porn, and is usually worthy material for Mystery Science Theater 3000. Sure, there's some porn that's about power. But not all of us like watching Bang Bus. Hell, I don't even know what a "bang bus" is. (JR)
April 29, 2003 at 11:03:24
Name: David Buchner
E-mail: buchner@wcta.net
Subject: We're the Federation
Jason: thanks for your interest in my thing about how Star
Trek relates to contemporary geopolitcs. And thanks for reminding me,
too. I had forgotten about it, but I went and dug it out this morning.
It's all drunken and long and rambling and full of typos, but I'm still
fond of the main points. I think I'd been reading you at the time, 'cause
there's lots of gratuitous cussing in it.
Basically, my giant revelation was something like: all my life I've
been hearing fans interpret the message of Star Trek having something to
do with an Earth united after the US and USSR and others stopped
fighting and learned to compromise and get along -- but it REALLY shows a
future in which AMERICAN values have spread all over the planet.
I promised myself I was going to get stuff done today, and not remain
parked in front of the computer all morning. So, I'll look at it later
and try to polish it up a bit.
Here's one paragraph:
The united Earth in the Star Trek universe, and the larger Federation
of which we're a founding member, is NOT made up of a compromise between
the beliefs of Republicans, Democrats, Communists, Islamic theocracies,
nations that recognize witch doctoring as a valid medical field, and
Palestinian suicide bombers. Some values lead to that kind of world...
and others just don't.
Editor's Note: Not being enough of a Star Trek geek, I can neither confirm nor deny your interpretation. I did like the show, though. The original, that is (as I think I've mentioned before) not the boring rip-offs, which seemed to be completely absent of wit and personality. (JR)
April 25, 2003 at 09:55:10
Name: Sue Nami
Subject: "Double Homicide"
For once, I do not agree with you. I am having trouble with
your analysis of "double homicide" as regards the late Ms. Peterson.
Whatever personal beliefs a person may have on abortion and fetus
viability, Laci Peterson CHOSE to bring her pregnancy to term; went so far
as to name the male fetus Conner. She was in her eighth month of
pregnancy when she went missing. I would guess that she had even prepared a
place in her home for her unborn child. For those reasons and for
those reasons alone, this is clearly a double homicide.
Had just she lived to tell the tale, and we could ask Laci Peterson, I
wonder what her response would be?
*************
PS: It is sickening that any group, prolife OR prochoice, would twist
this issue in the wind for exploitive purposes.
Editor's Note: The question is whether a baby was killed, or a fetus was destroyed. "Whatever personal beliefs" one has are totally relevant. (JR)
April 23, 2003 at 18:32:57
Name: Dave
Subject: Status Check
So ok mr. pseudo political advisor. Take note that the
country who advocates for so much on human rights etc and military limits
are actually not practicing what they are saying? Well yes a part of that
is what the U.S is doing so making it a hypocrite. What in the world
gives us the power to do so to other countries? Cant they argue and
have the same rights too? Check that your political statements are
correct before you open your mouth. Same goes to your site
Editor's Note: When your defense of dictatorships amounts to "but other countries are bad, too", it's time to think about your motivation for defending the dictatorships. (JR)
April 23, 2003 at 17:49:46
Name: anonymous
Subject: ketchup
Hi, Jason !
it does my heart well to know someone else shares the love of
ketchup like I do. ketchup is one the best things that has ever happend
to me. the article was fantastic
thank you.
April 22, 2003 at 17:48:23
Name: Gordon L. Bates
Subject: re: Nice Article
Hi, Jason !
Reading Your words about Hot Sauce Addiction reminds
Me of Me !!!
The multiple bottles of sauces in the fridge; putting Matouk
and friends on whatever, whenever !! I Love That Stuff !!!!!!
The Carribean Store that I buy Hot Sauce from has just bit
the dust.........
I'm down to My last few bottles of Matouk, and am nearly
panic stricken that I'll run out !!!!
Ya gotta Love it !!!
Thanks for the great article !! Anyone who is into it would
relate well, and grin through-out the perusal !!
May the Sauces Be With You.........ForEva !!!
Sincerely,
Gordon L. Bates.
April 12, 2003 at 16:26:15
Name: Susan Serfass
E-mail: Serferss@hotmail.com
Subject: War in Iraq
Jason, I fully agree with your article about doing what needs
to be done with international dictatorships. Most of America agrees as
well, as we have seen. I just wish the pricks in the media could show
an unbiased view of it....why can't we have an Amnesty International
network? We pay enough to the cable company. I have about had my fill
of Peter Jennings....handsome as he is, there's something wrong there.
Thanks for telling it like it is. Nobody wants war....we just want
freedom. Doesn't sound like the people of Iraq know yet what that REALLY
is....let's hope we can help them to learn.
April 19, 2003 at 09:12:53
Name: Susan Serfass
E-mail: Serferss@hotmail.com
Subject: Your rejected ad
Dear Jason,
Although I am not the girl for you, as I am a 43 year old happily married mom of two, your ad was the most refreshing, clear statement I have ever read. Good luck. It reminds me of the song "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" by Cake, though more fleshed out. A real pity Yahoo didn't have the balls to print it. There are many of us women looking for a man like you...someone not afraid to take a ride into adventureland. Someone willing to take a hard look at himself, and take a long swig of realism, because believe me, when you knock her up, reality will be more than you ever imagined. The bright side for you will be that you will live through all of this and hold onto your sanity as well. You are definitely not in denial. When your balls itch, scratch 'em. And when her twat itches, shave it again. Laugh together, and love each other, because there's nothing else of value, when all is said and done.
Sincerely,
Susan
Editor's Note: The title of that piece was meant to be sarcastic; I didn't actually submit it to Yahoo. Nevertheless, I think it was just as likely to be rejected by every member of Yahoo Personals as it was by Yahoo itself. (JR)
April 18, 2003 at 06:14:47
Name: t-bone
Subject: I think this guy is my soul mate
You are a wise man...
April 16, 2003 at 14:19:44
Name: Doug
E-mail: dhaze048@uottawa.ca
Subject: George Carlin
Brain dropping, eh?
www.georgecarlin.com/georgecarlin/home/germs.html
Indeed.
Editor's Note: Your post was in reaction to my recommendation of Carlin's book, "Brain Droppings". (I stand by that recommendation, with the qualification that the nihilism is really piled on at the end so you might want to skip the last few sections.) This piece you're linking to is pretty terrible, but still, I don't like your implication. I recommended a specific book, I didn't say I agreed with everything Carlin ever said. I will say, however, that he is, along with Sam Kinison and Jackie Mason, one of my favorite stand-up comedians of all time. (JR)
April 16, 2003 at 11:32:35
Name: Jill
Subject: you are very stupid
Not all women want to be treated like a sex object. And I
find it insulting that they have women walking around wearing bearly any
clothing. To tell you the truth I think you need to get layed you seem a
little over the edge!
Editor's Note: I could call you a cold, dried-out, sexless bitch, but that would be as obvious as you telling me I need to get "layed". (JR)
April 14, 2003 at 14:40:47
Name: Randy Clifford
Subject: About Marta
Marta never lets facts get in the way of her opinion. This
incoherent child wrote that the Iraqis hate us. The Iraqis welcomed us
with open arms. As a matter of fact they are approaching coalition
forces for autographs. The rest of your argument is not even worth
responding to. What is clear is that you are nothing but a parrot who has
memorized the leftist party song. Your lame attempt to come accross as a
well informed, criticly thinking, academic obviously failed. Sounds to
me like your nothing more than a CNN watching jello brained dope. The
fact that you put the word torture in parenthases, that ALONE,
identifies you as a shallow, ill-informed ,irrelevant ,out of touch buffoon.
Hell, your "position" isn't even consistant, it CERTAINLY isn't rational.
Maybe you should take up Haiku. You know, small words, 3 sentences,
something that wouldn't tax your little leftist wannabe brain.
April 12, 2003 at 16:11:39
Name: Randy Clifford
Subject: In Full Support of the War
AMEN BRUTHA!! These fucking peacenik protesting inbread
cornholing anti-American retreads are a disgrace. I wouldn't piss on these
clueless arrogant fucks if they were on fire. As far as I'm concerned
they can all go sit at the children's table and have a great big God
damn circle jerk.
April 12, 2003 at 16:11:39
Name: Tracy
E-mail: tracy725@attbi.com
Subject: It's all about Oil!!
LOVED your article!!
I was approached by an anti-war "think tank" and she was telling me
"don't support Bush -- it's all about oil."
I showed her a picture of Daniel Pearl (I don't usually carry one
around -- but I knew there was a protest that day) and asked her --
"Do you know who this is?"
her : "No... should I?"
me : "I'll give you a hint - his name is Daniel Pearl."
her : "Yes - now I know. But, you're not addressing the fact that
*our* leader ..."
I stopped her mid-sentence and moved in for the "kill" :
me : "Who is your state representative?"
her : "what does it matter?"
me : "i'm just curious"
her : "i don't know - i'm not political."
me : "who is secretary of state?"
her : [insert vapid stare]
me : "ok, ok, that was a *toughie*. Who is the Vice President?"
her : [after long pause ] "leave me alone."
me : "if it was about oil, why not just go to canada and venezuela for
oil? they're closer -- low hanging fruit."
her : "i don't believe that. we want the middle east's oil. that's so
apparent." [uh - yeah]
me : "why not complete manifest destiny and claim south america and
canada and take their oil."
her : "i don't know what you're talking about."
me : "ooooooooooooof course you don't."
Tracy
April 11, 2003 at 21:50:28
Name: Christina
E-mail: computergeneratedjesus@yahoo.com
Subject: FOX in the Henhouse
Jason...you don't really watch FOX News do you? Does anyone
really watch FOX News as a legitimate news source?
I really HATE FOX News. Boy I really hate FOX News. It seems that if
you want NEWS, you could pick up a paper and read NEWS. But if want to
have narrowed minded values and ideology shouted at you while two ex frat
boys named Zack and Todd move little tank icons around a map of Iraq
talking like John Madden on Superbowl Sunday you turn on FOX News. Then
again, who REALLY wants that? And WHY THE FUCK IS OLIVER NORTH REPORTING
FROM IRAQ? Can't Oliver North just die already? He's a fucking criminal
and nothing would make me happier than to see him and Henry Kissinger
in prison rubbing eachother's assholes all day. And Bill O'Reily. Don't
get me started on Bill O'Reily. Poor boy goes to Harvard (or Yale?)
finds out that American academia is filled with leftist professors and
scholars and flips the fuck out. Good one Bill. No you won't find a jew in
a Mosque either but don't spend your entire life shouting about how
unfair that is. That man wouldn't be happy even if Rush Limbaugh and David
Horowitz came to his house for dinner every night. The three would
start bitching about how its philosophically wrong to be a vegitarian. The
only thing I like about Bill O'Reily is how easy it is to
intellectually bitchslap him. I saw this young man from some international institute
keep his cool and make O'Reily really come off as a jackass when he was
on one of his boycott France riffs. Young man: What exactly do you hope
to accomplish by not buying French wine? O'Reily: Um...Um...Um...France
is a bunch of surrender monkeys. OOOOOhhhh, thanks for the insight
Bill. He should change his show to the "No Sense Zone." That was almost as
bad as Rush Limbaugh and the deficit awareness ribbons made out of 5
dollar bills during the first Clinton Administration. How offensive, not
recognizing that thanks to Mr. Regan's 'neo-liberal' (now called
neo-conservative) trade policies, that ribbon is about 15 cents shy of many
people's hourly wage.
Anyway...I guess my point is, FOX News is swill and it'll rot your
brain faster than a Blind Date marathon on UPN. And nothing deligitimizes
an argument faster than quoting Rush, David or Bill O'Reily.
Editor's Note: My favorite show on the channel is Hannity and Colmes. Though Hannity is dogmatically religious (which is, I guess, the only way to be religious), he's the most honest and most well-spoken conservative on TV. The thing about O'Reilly that I hate is his proud rejection of intellectualism. (In his words: "ideology".) He has stated explicitly, over and over, that having any ideology taints one's ability to make an objective conclusion. This ignores, of course, that this rejection of ideology is his ideology. (In addition to the anti-homosexual religious one he also advocates.) Nevertheless, he is great at what he does. You are wrong that it is easy to bitch-slap him. Maybe sitting on your couch it is. But going up against him on live TV sure hasn't been easy for most guests I've seen. And by the way, both Rush Limbaugh and David Horowitz are two of the best political commentators out there, as any honest person can see if they give them a little time. (JR)
April 11, 2003 at 12:51:34
Name: Nancy
Subject: Large fake breasts
Hi Jason
Just wanted to tell you how much I laughed over your well written and insightful article
"In Defense of Large Fake Breasts".
Then I printed it and took it to my plastic surgeon who found it just as funny.
Thanks,
Nancy
April 11, 2003 at 04:36:25
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