I agree with you 100% on everything you said about the Mxpx show (especially "i don't want to let my life fly by") EXCEPT for one major thing.

You mentioned your reaction to the pit and how you didn't want to hurt any of the girls that were standing around the edge (actually, i don't remember if that was in your article, or when we spoke). I noticed that the pit at that show was actually quite lame, almost to the point where it was non-existent at some points. I've always felt that anyone who goes to a show like that, whether its punk, metal or hardcore has to realize what the crowd is going to be like and take the risks associated with it. If a girl choses to stand at the edge of a pit, or go in the pit, or whatever - she should realize that she's going to get hit, stepped on, landed on and possibly hurt. It's the same for guys and girls. If you don't want to be in that situation - don't stand there. There's plenty of room in the back with the other wimps :)

That said - i don't think you should have been concerned with "protecting" anyone from bulges or any other possible hazards. If you feel like going nuts - then go nuts. it's everyone for themselves out there.

That said - i have to agree with you that it really was a good show. They played GSF so i was happy :)

Editor's note: I said that stuff about me not wanting to hurt the girls in the mosh pit because *I* didn't want to hurt any girls in the mosh pit. I agree with you that they should know what to expect at a concert like that, but that doesn't mean I want to be the one who hurts them. At least, not there in the mosh pit. (JR)

5/17/01 09:08:51 EST

I think yall's website is really cool!

Editor's note: Thank you. One question: Was there really a "SlippyWhenWet@aol.com" without the "01" when you signed up for AOL? Man, if you can't get "SlippyWhenWet" in your e-mail address without adding 01, it's probably time to try a smaller ISP...

5/15/01 16:44:52 EST

Hi there,
Modern feminism is not all that bad surely..
Yes we have the votes,the rights to almost all things,and if we want we can get away without shaving our arm pits or legs in the name of "feminism". Hey what can we say, over the centuries women were slaves and the property of their male counterparts, still women are oppressed today in many Sates.

We have proved our superiority over male species in many ways,and we intend to keep it that way.
Let us have our movement of glory. Please don't sulk, it is not that bad surely...

cheers to womenhood.

ROX.

5/11/01 17:03:20 EST

love letter

5/10/01 06:03:14 EST

Excuse me Mr. Editor-in-Chief, but if you bothered to say that the Larry David Show is one third of the reason why one should order HBO, don't you think you should've followed up with that and said what the other two thirds were?

some people actually value your opinion.

Editor's note: Hey, people like me valued the Batman show, but that didn't stop them from having all those damn 2-part episodes, did it? But anyway, the other two thirds are the Sopranos and repeats of the Larry Sanders Show. I jumped on the bandwagon on both these shows this season.

5/19/01 14:34:23 EST

say what? who the hell are you, work for mickeysoft or something? comp newbies dont know jack! why dont you program yourself a life. jerk

Editor's note: Sorry, I haven't done any programming since high school, so I certainly couldn't program myself a life. Could you use Perl for that, or would you need an object-oriented language like C++? (JR)

5/8/01 03:30:28 EST

Ok, so this really is my last comment (for now), I promise....

I just read your "jackass" article and the article on your uncle's funeral. All i can say is that you're a sick bastard, and i love it. Although, i still don't agree that "jackass" is funny, i can see the point you're making. As for the funeral you attended, it's proof positive that the truth is often stranger than fiction.

Editor's note: BTW, if anyone would like to reenact that scene, please send me the video of yourself face-down in the coffin. I can't promise you an appearance on "Jackass", but I'll throw the video of you up on this site. I'm not a prude like those MTV execs. And for the record, I have no desire to hang out with any of those Jackasses; I just think they're damn funny. (JR)

5/4/01 02:17:41 EST

Well, i met my match with this site. One would think that I might have some expertise in this particular area, but alas, I came pretty darn close to failing the breast test. Just thought it might make you feel a little better!

Alexis

5/4/01 02:02:59 EST

hey if u want to talk with a hott guy how likes pleasing young ladies let me know at
master_s3000@hotmail.com

Editor's note: hey what about a guy how can spell? (JR)

4/25/01 21:32:31 EST

You are a bigot who is a plague on American society. Where did you come from and what would your mom think?

Editor's note: I'm not sure who wrote this, but you'll need to try harder next time. If you really want to sound like someone who's offended, you can't use phrases like "plague on American society". That's a phrase a conservative Republican would say, not a liberal. Liberals don't give a damn about American society, and hence wouldn't think a plague on it was much of a big deal. (JR)

4/22/01 20:14:38 EST

I linked over here because of what I saw on an Objectivist Site. I have never seen such intellectual humor before, it was like a solid punch of every half-way clever joke I've heard in my life rolled into one. I can't wait to check the rest of this site out, but please, keep up the great work!

On a more sorrowfull note, I am sorry for those alleged "objectivists" who see no humor in anything but Fidel jokes. I think this indicates emotional repression...but then I'm a "neo" objectivist because I don't worship Rand, so what do I know?

I am familiar with the concept in the Fountainhead, where Toohey tries to let nothing remain great by laughing at all. But I think there is also another kind of laughter, a laughter amongst an "in group" especially when a person like myself was not aware that there were enough of my kind of person to be classified as a "group". I also think that taking lessons for one thing and applying them to another can be funny; let Ortho Objectivists think of it as "reductio ad absurdum" if it will just make them laugh and enjoy life for a moment...

Anyway, keep up the great work!

Editor's note: The thing I find funniest about the reaction to that list is that all these anti-"ortho" "Objectivists" like yourself like it, but some of the "ortho" Objectivists do not. But if agreeing with Ayn Rand's philosophy means being an "ortho" Objectivist, then I consider myself one. Maybe I'll just have to be content to laugh with the sinners rather than cry with the saints. No, on second thought I'll just laugh to myself. (JR)

3/31/01 00:29:02 EST

"Ass in Hell"....have ya' tried it? God damn!!! That's some hot shit!!! How the hell do they make it, and who's country are we dropping that shit on next? In case ya' don't know what the hell I'm talking about...go to Duke's around 19th or 20th just off Park Avenue...and try the "Ass in Hell" ( or something like that ) hot sauce. I recommend a teaspoon...unless you are some kind of pansy!!! Sorry if directions aren't that clear...that's in Manhattan...for those of you who are not near New York...ha ha...you suck ass...and If you are in California. LOL...LOL...no fucking electricity...

Editor's note: Dude, you forgot to take a downer after you shot up with hot sauce. Have some milk or yogurt next time. (JR)

4/20/01 22:14:58 EST

You are one funny motherfucker!

I found your website from a link posted on this Anti-China website:

www.FuckYouChina.com

Very funny stuff. Please keep up the good work.

4/8/01 20:39:40 EST

I don't know how you can have a definitive list of punk covers, without the Damned's cover of White Rabbit, much better than MXPX or the Gimmie Gimmie cover. If you were going to pick a Gimmie cover, it should've been "Only the Good Die Young" Also, is Goldfinger actually considered a punk band anymore, I placed their last 2 cds on my pop/radio band wall.

Editor's note: Obviously, the list is all about taste (mine), but I'll answer your last question. I've never been crazy about the term "punk rock". As far as I'm concerned, the genre is just a slightly evolved version of original 50's rock, but faster, with heavier guitars, and more hair dye and leather. The term "punk" usually makes people think of some anarchist-socialist morons like the Exploited. Or the Sex Pistols. The Sex Pistols had their moments, but bands like the Ramones and the Misfits were more interested in making music than in stamping their feet. (Though to be sure, they all did a little of both.) Anyway, in the category loosely called "punk" I still consider Goldfinger a part of that. If you have a better term, I'm listening. :) (JR)

3/31/01 00:29:02 EST

Someone has been doing some serious shrooming! yay!

Editor's note: You must be a High Times fan. Actually, no. The strongest shrooms I've ever done were portobello. It was the closest thing to meat I could find at the vegetarian restaurant. If it can't taste like meat, you would hope that the goddamn vegetable would at least have the courtesy to give you hallucinations. (JR)

3/28/01 19:14:07 EST

In 1989 I was part of a medical study, which included the use of cannabis as a post-chemo therapy anti-nausea drug and regurgitation inhibitor.

It was no surprise to me that it worked far beyond their original clinical estimates. Where it had taken 4 days for me to be able to hold down half of a tiny dixie cup full of water, I was able to hold down jello in a matter of 72 hours. When I would reject all other anti-nausea drugs, I could have a few tokes and the overwhelming feelings would subside instantly.

I met others in the study who were thrilled with the results they too had had. Some had used it recretionally in the past, but the majority were those who had once thought of it as an "evil weed". They were all in agreement that for medical usage it should be legalized.

I have spoken with the oncologist who ran the study since then on several occasions. He is dimayed and disheartened that although the results of that particular study, as well as hundreds more, clearly showed the advantages (with one of the key plusses that there were absolutely NO averse reactions either by the patients or negation of the effects of the medications that were being administered) that cannabis is still denounced as unsafe and illegal as a medicinal drug.

We as a nation need to wake up to what is being dictated to us by beaurocrats. We owe it to ourselves and our fellow citizens to rebel against what is based on nonsense.

3/27/01 20:18:33 EST

Great web site! This is the greatest Objectivist humor to come along since South Park. Keep up the good work Jason, your writing never ceases to amaze me!

Editor's note: Thank you very much. As long as I'm able to toil for my brother selflessly to the best of my ability, I will be content. Of course, feeling content tends to make me feel guilty. Never could quite get that whole duty for duty's sake thing... (JR)

3/22/01 21:27:58 EST

I thought I was bored until I read this comments section. Ditch it. Most of the rest is OK. And shoot the 10,000 Frenchman. They deserve it for speaking the same language as Belgians.

Editor's note: But if we ditched this comment section, we'd be deprived of many brilliant comments like your own. (JR)

3/20/01 09:57:42 EST

Awesome! I would have loved to have seen the guys face when he read your last letter. You never fail to make me laugh - thanks.

3/19/01 14:56:14 EST

Re: Betty Page. In your review of the InterPunk website (which is an awesome sight by the way - thanks), you stated that didn't get why Betty Page was there. She is the pin-up icon of choice for a lot of "altternative" folks. Perhaps it's her dark hair or bad girl smile or the fact that she was such a bad girl herself. You should check out some of her pixs and you'll figure it out.

p.s. - bought the new Me First and the Gimme Gimme's album from InterPunk .

3/19/01 14:10:12 EST

Hey there. Big news! I'm sure you heard how recently several papers were saying that if they'd simply counted every possible ballot, that Gore would have won? Well, I've realized that the victor wasn't Gore, but Nader! Using the same arguments as the newspapers, if they'd simply installed members of Greenpeace with machine guns in every voting booth across the country with instructions to tell everybody to vote for Nader, than Nader would have won! I can't believe they tried to cheat Nader out of his victory like this!

3/17/01 13:34:11 EST

This site was mentioned in today's Wall Street Journal. I don't think it qualifies for a self-gratification site of the day award, as it isn't really amusing, but it is very interesting, and serves as a sort of testament to the incredible ability of capitalism to produce more than enough for everyone (as long as they work for it), especially food. The site is www.smartmouth.com. If you use a Stop & Shop card, you enter in your 10 digit card number and you can view what products you most frequently buy. If you don't have a Stop & Shop card, you can still access the site by going to the "take a tour" link on top. If you are trying to change your diet, you can select what you are trying to do, e.g. fewer total calories, more fiber, or less saturated fat, etc, and the site will show you what foods you are currently buying that you should avoid, and will reccomend subsitute foods that are more in line with what you are trying to accomplish. You can also access the complete nutritional data for any food. Athletes, or anyone else who is trying to lose some weight or make sure they are eating healthy should find this site very useful.

Editor's note: Sounds cool, but Mac people can't use it. :( (JR)

2/28/01 18:40:01 EST

There is a syndrome related to that of the resentful underachiever you mention. Its the "little guy" syndrome. people who want to cling together as "little guys" against the world of evil bosses, landlords, "misleading" advertisements, credit card companies, cable companies, bill collectors, "overpriced" everything, etc. A common thread is the inability to deal with reality in an effective manor, and a resentment against those who can/choose too. (as you describe). Here is a typical example of what I would hear when I lived in low income housing: "that fucken landlord man,skrewin my ass again.. must be nice in that big Benz of his.. the bastad says he will toss me out if I don't pay the last few months rent, who does he think he is skrewin me like this (??)... God damn man, he left a big fuckin ice patch on the driveway, I swear I almost fell and killed myself on it, shows how much he fuckin cares about us, I'll sue his ass.. want in if I do?". (Ah, I think ill just spread some of the sand he left here for us on it.. thanks..) This points out another symptom related to what you mentioned: A grossly irrational lust for "freebees". I think this mentality is some form of voluntary mental retardation. No wonder these idiots stay poor. They are traped in a cage of their own misguided perseptions. (Don't want to be all negative, I did meet a few hardworking or upwardly mobile people I respected during my years in low income housing. ;-)

2/27/01 18:27:01 EST

God, that disclaimer before em and el performed made me cringe. You hit the nail on the head Jason, it was so gutless and pathetic it was painful to watch. Someone needed to bitch slap him a few times and tell him to sit down. I too got a kick out of the new "native American" music award... what a pc JOKE. I was embarrassed for those people. It almost seemed they threw those guys together just for the awards. Some bozo went out and recorded himself beating on a drum/moaning, got a few Native Americans to fill in as the lucky stooges, and presto, a Grammy winning performance. I would not be surprised. The milli vanili's of the pc world.

I got 2 q's for you Jason. what do you think of the u2 song that got all the awards. Also, what did you think of em's song and performance. I don't like rap, but I thought it was pretty funny and a good show.

Editor's note: Another clue about the purpose of the "Native American" award was given when one of the winners claimed the award for all Native Americans. Oh no, there's no racism there... Re. the U2 song: It's not bad, but song and record of the year is a little ridiculous. Remember that they overlooked U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday" the year that Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It" won those awards, so it ain't "quality" they're looking at. I totally agree with you about Eminem's performance. I'm generally not a rap fan either, but I thought he was pretty damn good. (I was just impressed that he remembered all the words.) He was damn self-confident considering all the crap he's taken. And of course, Elton John made it even better. (JR)

2/24/01 19:16:44 EST

It is totally true (and thereby depressing & distressing) only if one were to ignore any and/or all of the good stuff that was televised (examples being i.e., the performance featuring Cheryl Crowe and that great woman singer with her; Toni Braxton and her dress [or her undress more likely], and, well let's not get carried away...

Editor's note: Ok, I concede that I should have mentioned Toni Braxton's dress. *That* was really the highlight of the show. (BTW, you have some amazing paintings on your site.) (JR)

2/23/01 22:56:44 EST

Remember in school, when a kid would have some candy or cookies or something, and the teacher would take it away and say, "Did you bring enough for everyone to share?"

Editor's note: I can imagine an 8-year-old Francisco or Cyrano whipping out a big bag of candy if that happened to them.

2/23/01 09:47:26 EST

Jason,
You make it out like our God is a fowl mouthed Jerk. That is NOT true. God loves to answer our prayers and is a patient, kind, loving God. He even loves you Jason. He was killed on a cross so that you would not have to feel guilty. He died for YOUR sins Jason. Think about it Jason, GOD died for Y-O-U. the least you could do is give him a little respect and not badmouth him.

I wish you had gone to my Parochial school. Sister Monica would never have allowed you to get away with this. She would have bitch slapped you till she was blue in the face, by which time your cheeks would have been a deep purple. She would then have referred you to Father Paul, who would have punished you in the name of our GOOD Lord in his traditional fashion: A firm scolding, instruction to say 100 hail Mary's, then a sound ass fucking after you had sucked him off. After a few of these special sessions im sure you would have turned out a good God loving, God fearing Christian.

2/22/01 12:39:44 EST

Dude, that was hilarious! Definitely one of your funniest articles yet. Thanks for another hit.

Rock on.

Editor's note: :)

2/20/01 22:42:22 EST

nac ouy yas toidi, taht gnieb ouy fo esruoc.

(Sarcasm on): Oh you are so intelligent, in fact, your intelligence is beyond the mere description of words.
(Sarcasm off)

Your idiotic ramblings and rebellious outbursts are so foolish that they actually serve to amuse me. You mock conservatives and then write about how positive capitalism is, are you an idiot? Your country's conservative wing is built on the idea that capitalism is the way to go, both in trade matters and the way they use it to control the public. At first you rebel and then contradict yourself by supporting that which you are rebelling against in another way. What the hell? Get you ides straight, dude. You want to make a splash, do it in a meaningful way!

Hahahaha, Hahaha, sheep, sheep, cattle, that is what you are, not a bloody fucking rebel. Go out to pasture, no one wants to hear you bray.

Editor's note: You are absolutely correct. We rarely devote our intelligence to the mere "description of words".

2/10/01 23:59:41 EST

Halleluiah and pass the Tabasco...

There are few things better in this life than a plate of wings so hot they make your brain bake, a pitcher of ice cold beer, and a stack of cheese fries.

I have this excellent tequila at home that has a hot pepper sitting at its bottom -- doing a shot of that's like super-saturing your bloodstream with lava.

It's glorious.

What pisses me off though, is how the term "hot" gets slapped on to anything spicier than cardboard. Potato chips, wings, Wendy's "spicy" chiken sandwhich -- they all say they're hot, but if my eyes aren't tearing damn it, it's not hot.

It's like grade inflation for junk food, letting people *think* their living on the gastronomical edge, when in fact their mired in their same old lack-luster eating habits.

Anyway, great column.

ken

Editor's note: Glad you liked it. Nice observation about the "inflation". Which reminds me - as much as I like Heinz ketchup, never buy their buffalo wing sauce. Heinz buffalo wing sauce is to actual buffalo wings what Broadway musicals are to actual culture. (JR)

2/9/01 09:23:06 EST

Vive la Fence!

2/8/01 17:20:06 EST

Hey Jason, It's Lexy. Now, you know I love you dearly, but you had to go and bash OPERA at the same time you're bashing that pain in the ass? c'mon now!!!!

Editor's note: Sorry about that. In reality, I'm not qualified to say anything negative about opera. (At the operas I've been to, I ended up falling asleep for most of the time.) (JR)

2/7/01 02:28:34 EST

As a fellow hot sauce addict I thought this article was great. It turns out that there is actually a scientific reason why some people are wimps when it comes to hot sauce. X is defined as the ratio of tastebuds to tongue area on what is classified as a "normal taster", these people making up about 25% of the population. "Supertasters", who make up about 50%, have 2X tastebuds while "lowtasters", who make up the remainder, have X/2 tastebuds. Of course that still doesn't answer the question of why all the heat wimps are concentrated in the northwest while the people who can appreciate a good habanero-laden burrito are concentrated in the southwest, must be something in the air.

One of my favorite hot sauces is this stuff called Acid Rain, it's hot but not off-the-scale hot, and it's loaded with flavor. Then there's that Dave's Insanity Sauce, which is delicious for about 3 seconds, at which point I have to run to the fridge and start swishing milk across my tongue. Dave's Hurtin' Habanero, on the other hand, is just about right for me. You should consider Dave's Gourmet for a future self-gratification of the day award.

Editor's note: After trying Dave's Temporary Insanity Sauce, I've not yet dared to try his others (like the Gourmet). That's a good one to have in the fridge, by the way, just in case you have any macho-types over. Give 'em a drop and watch 'em scream.

2/6/01 18:39:07 EST

Since you take pleasure in frustrating my attempts at irreverence, Mr. Roth, I will write a serious comment. About rock and roll. I find it shocking that there is no mention of The Velvet Underground on your site. VU is the best group of all time - although they were underachievers, in that their early work is too experimental and their fourth and last album was the beginning of Lou Reed's move to pop crap. Regardless, their third, self-titled lp is the best album of all time. The second track, "What Goes On," is the best song of all time. If you haven't heard the group before (as opposed to being a communist and just not liking the greatest band of all time), go to amazon.com and buy that album.

If you do not like it, write me and I will reimburse you (and also never visit this site again (commie bastard)). If you aren't a communist, you should also get White Light/White Heat and 1969 Live Vol 1, and then everything else by VU (the greatest band of all time).

Furthermore, Pavement is freakin' great. Certainly the best group of the 90s. My offer also stands for their Slanted and Enchanted lp. You may find this one a little challenging for your innocent sensibilities. You should next get everything else by Pavement. I have many other suggestions, but will only mention Built to Spill (Perfect From Now On, Keep It Like a Secret) and The Smiths (The Queen is Dead, Strangeways Here We Come). BtS is the perfect fusion of pulsing, lumbering, guitar-textures and catchy melodies. Steve Morrissey's amazing, haunting vocals make up for The Smiths' underdeveloped music, and after repeated listenings you notice and love the melodies. One final note: The Beatles and Beck are great despite their popularity, especially Abbey Road and Odelay. Commie bastard.

Obviously, I wrote this because I would like to see your response. Have you never heard of these bands before? I don't listen to punk but I haven't heard anything I like. I prefer, as you can see, Indie Rock, the Velvet Underground, and other classic rock. But if you know anything about punk, you ought to know that it wouldn't exist at all without VU. I am listening to "Sister Ray" from WL/WH right now. God damn you.

P.S. Spaceweasel is a big dork. What the hell. He is such a big god damn dork.

Editor's note: Thanks, but gotta say "no thanks" to your VU offer (I already own the box set). I can only imagine what the VU would have done with the technical ability of, say, Rush, but I'll take a band with even an ounce of soul over nothing but technique (e.g., Dream Theater) any day. My favorite by the VU is their self-titled album. As for The Smiths, I'd rather eat a live cow than listen to Morrisey's "Meat is Murder" garbage. (Sorry, a little harsh, but Morrisey just gets on my nerves.) Here's what I'm listening to right now: NOFX (Pump Up the Valuum; White Trash; So Long and Thanks), Stereophonics (Performance and Cocktails), Vibrolush (Touch and Go), Suicidal Tendencies (How Will I Laugh Tomorrow), MXPX (At the Show), Dolly Parton (Essential, Vol. 1), Freeheat (Don't Worry, Be Happy), Goldfinger (Darrin's Coconut Ass - if you like 80s music, you must check out this cover album). (JR)

Editor's note: Someone pointed out to me that they couldn't tell whether I like the Velvet Underground based on what I wrote above. So for the record: yes, I do. (JR)

2/3/01 03:41:57 EST

Hey there, dudes! Your site rocks! A very nice piece o' the net. Anyway, I just wanted to make a possible suggestion for the next DOG award - give it to Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye. Now, you might ask, what is it that these two men could possibly have done that would put them on an even ground with, say, thetruth.com or PDFA? Simple - they wrote the 'Left Behind' books.

If you've never heard of it, you're really damn lucky. It is a best-selling series about the 'end times' spoken of in the Bible. You know, when God gets pissy and decides to destroy the world for no good reason? Here's the story of people trying to survive through it and get to Heaven by combatting the Anti-christ. I figure the fact that there are millions of assholes out there willing to pay money to read this tripe should cover the 'big budget' bit. The very idea is so pompous, I really want to break their jaws. And as for the last requirement, well, they're writing sucks. No other way to put it.
Just something for ya to think about.
Again, love the site.
Rock on.

Editor's note: Thanks for the suggestion and the compliments. Acually (and this is breaking news) the next DOG Award winner has already been chosen. It may take a while before you see it, but stay tuned... (JR)

2/2/01 15:29:36 EST

This Truth Exchange is one of the most whacked-up sites I have ever seen on the net. First I'm told not to eat pork(kosher), then I'm told not to eat any red meat(diatetic), then not any meat except for fish(health conscious), then no meat at all(vegetarian), then no meat and no dairy products either(vegan), and I start wondering what they could possibly want to deprive me of next. Bingo, this site tells me that cooking has got to go. I should have seen it coming, what with the enviros condemning anyone drilling for oil or natural gas and opposing any other source of energy that could actually generate enough power to cook food. It's gotta be only raw plant food now. Am I a human or a rabbit?

Remember Peter Schwartz's essay about the philosophy of privation? He talked about how some exceptional man discoved fire and realized that his mastodon tasted better cooked then raw. Well now there is a group that calls for even that primitive development to be removed. What's next, vegetable rights? Voluntary human extinction? Not on my watch, that's for sure. I like to eat spicy portugese pork cutlets and tonkatsu, and I could care less what my Orthodox Jewish relatives think. I like my food to be cooked, and I could care less what "Truth Exchange" thinks while she tries to figure out how to have an orgasm with the aid of her several quack books and tapes(hint: it's easier if you don't regard human pleasure as an abomination). I would also prefer to die at age 62 of a cholesterol induced heart attack while watching some action flick on an 8-speaker stereo system consuming 2000 watts of power than to die of heart failure at age 95 after living on a diet of celery stalks, carrot sticks, and uncooked brocoli for the latter 75 years of my life while living in an Anthem-esque nature commune(age 95 assuming that they don't want me to give up the benefits of modern medicine as well). Hell, I'd prefer to die right now than live like that.

Of course Truth Exchange wouldn't be complete without a little left-wing hypocrisy, and in the case of that site the hypocrisy is that they condemn the cooking of food as a waste of the planet's resources in the form of a webpage hosted on a server that constantly consumes several hundred watts of power. A cooking element may consume 1000 watts, but not for any more than a few hours per day, so the energy needed to tell people not to cook their food is far greater than the energy needed to cook food. The internet, of course, just wouldn't be complete without a few idiotic sites like this. I'm more concerned about the number of people that take such ideas seriously.

Editor's note: Most importantly, I gotta try those spicy portugese pork cutlets and tonkatsu you mentioned. (JR)

2/1/01 22:40:53 EST

"A Social Awakening" is a true work of art. I'm speechless. One of the best things I've ever read, ever. Keep it the hell up.

Max

1/31/01 17:23:43 EST

I do apologize for my hasty racist assessment of the ugly white girl; I see now that her smile is quite warm and genuine, hardly what I would classify as a porn-face. Anyway, as penance for making such an unfounded criticism of the site that offers me so much entertainment, I offer two entertaining comments from a fucked-up, not-so-funny site I came across.

[Editor's note: Comments cut. You must actually see this site to believe it. Swear to God they have links to books on the "paranormal mysteries in the Bible" and "Milk - the Deadly Poison". (JR)]

Please forgive my insolence, and thank you for helping me realize that my passionate hatred for Whitey might be racist. God damn Whitey. Oh, and could you post a link to your How To Operate A Microwave article for the other readers? It is one of my favorites. Thanks!

Editor's note: No.

1/31/01 01:01:43 EST

Editor's note: These four separate (lengthy) posts, which refer to editorial comments on SpaceWeasel's previous posts, have been posted on a separate page. They have been posted without further editorial commentary, mainly so the editor has time to run this site. :) (JR)

1/28/01 18:01:32 EST

After listening to the robot comedy #1 with the k-rock bashing at the end, I wondered what station(s), if any, Jason listens to. It would be cool if you could reccommend a good heavy metal or rock station, as I live in the NYC area.

I also just want to say that this site is great, especially the self-gratification awards. Thanks for all the great content.

Editor's note: Yeah, I guess making fun of a NYC radio station isn't the most universal of jokes... But anyway, I don't listen to the radio much, but if you're looking for a heavy metal station, the main one is WSOU, 89.5 (you can also listen online). Other good rock stations are WFDQ, 91.9 and WNYU, 89.1 (also via RealAudio). On the Web, check out Virgin Radio from London for good non-grunge-influenced modern rock. (JR)

1/27/01 21:42:20 EST

I have no moral objection to nudity, I don't really care. But this is the most entertaining and -- in terms of intellectual commentary -- gratifying site on the web, and certainly the one I visit most, so it's annoying that your daily gratification page has that picture of the ugly naked white girl. Not because god (mother) makes me feel guilty looking at her, but because she is ugly. She is really ugly. Get a nice asian girl maybe. But -- and please know that this is only an aestetic complaint -- get a nice asain girl that isn't making an ugly stupid porn face. Porn faces are why porn sucks. I will employ the standard Objectivist concept of physical attraction to make a point here here, because the Objectivist concept is correct: my girlfriend playing the piano is a lot more sexy than an ugly porn face. Anyway, sorry to have complained, but the white girl is really ugly. Your robots are the best. Keep up the good work comrades!

Editor's note:

Glad you like the site. But you sound a little racist, man. "Ugly naked white girl"? Why not just "ugly naked girl"? Actually, I don't find her ugly, but if I did, it wouldn't be because of what race she is. You might want to think about that one.

Now, as far as Asian girls go, you'll get no objections from me. (I happen to think, statistically speaking, that Asians are the best-looking race out there) But Christ, why stick with a single race? There's just too many beautiful women in too many colors, shapes, and sizes to limit yourself like that.

Next: re. your "porn face" comment. I disagree. Sure, she's got a "porn body", but a "porn face"? Christ, if a woman happens to be smiling while her legs are spread wide open, so be it. You should be thanking her for that, not putting her down. If you have a problem with legs that are spread wide open, then ask your girlfriend to play the piano in that position. That might help to persuade you on the idea.

Ok, your complaint has now been registered. But the chick stays!

P.S. Glad you like the robots. (JR)

1/27/01 03:32:59 EST

Thanks for the many many laughs. It's rare that I can find humor which is damn funny *and,* at the same time, makes a good point. To show my appreciation, I have littered my own site with Save the Humans banners. Keep up the good work...and save us all.

Editor's note: We appreciate the nice words, but the link to Mr. Watkins' homepage has been removed due to some links to pseudo-Objectivist (e.g. David Kelley) material on his site. (JR)

1/27/01 01:25:06 EST

Took you long enough to find FC. You guys are really on top of the net, aren't you.

-S-

Editor's note: It sounds like you just found this site. Where the hell have you been? You non-cutting-edge bastard. (JR)

1/24/01 13:39:56 EST

Hey, whoever posted the previous comment: you got it all wrong, man. Aaron's article on the sounthern languange was no joke; rather, I suspect that he was laying groundwork for a more extensive future treatise on the Mind of the Southern Man. He was born and raised in the south (like me) and is very familiar with our terminology and customs.

Kudos to you Aaron, for this insightful article. Teach on!

From the heart of G'ville, South Carolina to all a y'all out there: Have a nice day!

1/22/01 21:27:43 EST

You have some serious issues to deal with, prick.

1/11/01 18:39:11 EST

i mean it, out loud laughter sitting at the desktop. my wife thought i was nuts. i am. thanks, i needed that.

1/7/01 03:15:43 EST

"Harry, the great-great-great grandson of an Aztec chieftain whose toe was stepped on by Christopher Columbus while his tribe was trying to sacrifice the village virgin to the Sun God (previously; "Blind Harry" the china shop clerk)."

MORE IDIOCY? Yes it's true. I'm not sure what you're trying to imply here - aside from the article's overall tone that hiring laws magically discriminate against competent, white male heterosexuals - but it reeks of ignorance. The two ideas I get from this paragraph are 1) The Spanish didn't do much to the Aztecs, and they were just a bunch of whiners and 2) The Aztecs were morally rephrensible to begin with. I suppose, then, that Cortez's annihilation of the Aztec empire, and the subsequent enslavement of its people, was OK - and presumably so was the treatment of the rest of the some 100 million "savages" living in the Americas when they were "discovered" by competent heterosexual white Christian Europeans. Makes sense to me.

Editor's note: Still reading all this stuff that lacks in "intelligence or even basic logic"? If you don't mind me saying, you really need to work on your time management skills. But anyway, I think you're being a tad presumptuous to assume I believe that "Aztecs were morally rephrensible (sic) to begin with." Why would I find a culture primarily known for its mass human sacrifices morally reprehensible? (JR)

12/29/00 18:01:32 EST

WHAT? I have now upgraded your site from "bad attempts at humor" to "totally fucking insane ranting." Why are you so violently against China? I won't argue about the relative totalitarianism of China (which is actually becoming MORE LIBERAL) compared to other countries in the world, but why on EARTH would about.com's CHINESE CULTURE site be about what a horrible cesspit of human misery and death and destruction China is? You have some serious mental issues to work out. Anyway, I guess I'll go back to cowering in fear of China's whopping 17 medium-long range ICBMs - which may or may not even be able to LAUNCH, let alone hit the United States, let alone be shot down by a wacky and impossible to implement missile defense system (in reference to your views expressed on other areas of the site).

Editor's note: Thanks for the upgrade. I notice it comes after you concluded in your last post that we are "extremely lacking in intelligence or even basic logic". Thanks also for the term "relative totalitarianism". I'll be sure to discuss that concept with my partially pregnant cousin.

As to your question: "why on EARTH would about.com's CHINESE CULTURE site be about what a horrible cesspit of human misery and death and destruction China is?" Well, for the same reason they have links to information on Chinese government, history, people, and news. You don't think the fact that China is a cesspit of human misery is relevant? Secondly, the freaking relative totalitarianism of China dictates what can and can't be part of Chinese culture. E.g, a little thing called censorship. (JR)

12/29/00 17:47:29 EST

The more of your site I read, the more I realize you are extremely lacking in intelligence or even basic logic. Moreso than your wacky politics and bizarre, reactionary views, this struck me as interesting. Since when is someone's IQ "objective" and how exactly could the AP be expected to find out? Should they test him themselves, I suppose? The fact is, "IQ" is an extremely SUBJECTIVE thing that can vary greatly depending on the test used, who administers it, and how it is analyzed.

Editor's note: You don't think that a mentally retarded person (such as yourself), can be objectively differentiated from a person with a normal-to-high intelligence (such as myself)? As far as how the AP should have determined whether the prisoner was in fact retarded, that's their problem. If they choose to start the controversy that an executed prisoner might have been retarded, they should have some shred of evidence that the story is true. How would you like to see an article on the front page of the New York Times that said "SpaceWeasel opponents say SpaceWeasel is a liar, a thief, a wifebeater, and a really, really, bad dresser"? Or would you not expect the Times to have to do any research? (JR)

12/29/00 17:42:20 EST

I think the problem feminists have is that "the media" promotes the idea that the ONLY acceptable virtue for a woman is beauty, and they should be judged on that, not their intelligence.

[Editor's note: I wonder if my favorite television personality would agree with you (Judge Judy).]

The comparison at the beginning of the article is meaningless, because TV and the movies and whatnot are full of male characters based on something other than (or in addition to) their looks. Compare the number of less-than-attractive actors to the number of less-than-attractive actresses, for instance. Just a few thoughts.

[Editor's note: You might want to remember the recent anti-Barbi doll campaign. "Astronnaut Barbi" and "Police Barbi" weren't enough for the feminists. They needed "Flat-chested, big-thighed Barbi", too. I think the feminists' motives are obvious.]

Oh, and a lot of feminists (I can say from personal experience) are extremely hot, so I doubt it's "simple envy."

[Editor's note: I doubt it's "simple envy", too. That's what I said changed my mind about.]

I won't even get into your idea that women no longer face any sort of discrimination, but maybe if you looked at a few income statistics you would realize the fallacy of that argument.

Editor's note: Ok, let's talk about logical fallacies. The fact that women on average make less than men does not automatically lead to the conclusion that discrimination is the cause. As Christina Hoff Sommers pointed out in "Who Stole Feminism?", women's career and educational choices play a role in the salary discrepancy. But you're right, I did imply that no discrimination exists, which is impossible to prove and probably false. So I revised the second sentence in "At one time, feminists had something legitimate to achieve. Real discrimination existed..." to read "Discrimination was prevalent..." (JR)

12/29/00 17:22:46 EST

If you're going to pick on the Catholic Church, then PICK ON THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. Don't drag everyone else into it!!!

Editor's note: Well elucidated. Maybe you're not too happy that the "complete renunciation of natural law" is also required by other religions?

12/27/00 08:29:44 EST

I don't know what the feminists are trying to pull but beauty is all but objective, people should have the right to decide for themselves what is beautiful, even if they would want to be that in the first place.

12/24/00 22:22:16 EST

In your FAQ section, I remember that the question about advertising on your site was originally phrased something like, "Word up, G! Like, how do I advertise here yo?" Why did you change it? It was a lot of funnier when you wrote it in ebonics. Other than that, keep up the good work!

Editor's note: We changed it so we would be taken more seriously. The same reasoning explains the addition of the phrase bestiality on geese. (JR)

12/12/00 03:23:11 EST

To Whom It May Interest:

There is now a website for Single Objectivists. To my knowledge, this is the first of its kind. This site is still in the process of being created, so all suggestions and ideas are welcome.

11/29/00 13:43:40 EST

Check out this site. It's very funny. It reads like 'The ABC of Communism' mixed with a liberal arts class. I read it for about 20 minutes and I was still unable to figure out what it was they were protesting against. I mean, it's obviously just mean old whitey, but they seem to say that it doesn't matter what color you are. They also say that you're not privileged because you're white, you're white because you're privileged. How odd. I guess my science degree left me unable to understand such 'higher' 'thinking'.

www.postfun.com/racetraitor

Editor's note: My favorite line is "The key to solving the social problems of our age is to abolish the white race, which means no more and no less than abolishing the privileges of the white skin."

I'd rather just build a machine that stamps stars on people's stomachs. (See Dr. Seuss' The Sneetches.) (JR)

11/21/00 10:41:00 EST

It's about time someone told these prigs to go choke on the bible they keep quoting. Yes, I meant to write the 'b' word. If all you can do is quote without understanding then you're as bad as the mumbo jumbo spouting mystics. As Mr Aaron Davies is obviously so desperate, allow me to help: Get Fucked.

Editor's note: It is a great book, but like most books, it's more useful when you actually read and understand it. (JR)

11/20/00 14:37:23 EST

A good read, Roth--and you've given the target shown the contempt it deserves.

These altruistic types are coming out of the woodwork lately--a sort of spawning season for them, it appears. We've got them in Oz as well, never fear. They seem to thrive wherever English is done spoke.

Look forward to reading more by you and other contributors to this site. Cheers.

11/18/00 20:46:32 EST

Powerful. This justification for government action in the name of children is so pervasive that as soon as I hear the phrase for the children I'm about to heave. And that is awful, because children will grow up to produce our future.

Hillary's It Takes a Village is puke. Her ilk is out to destroy the self reliant small town and wants everyone in the childlike government dependent state.

My favorite part of your insightful rant is about the "debate". It's like spin. It's a game instead of discovery of truth based on the evidence of truth. And yes, it calls for good sportsmanship, except they have no rules -- or is the rule the one who makes you feel unearned guilt wins.

11/14/00 21:59:20 EST

By the time I read through to the gummi watch I was laughing so hard tears were streaming from my eyes.

And I need to lose weight!

Isn't it great that we live in a paradise of choices? Why we can plunk our hard earned cash down on almost anything.

Heck, come to think of it, some of our citizens can pluck down cash they haven't earned. Wait a minute. The government takes 1/3 of what I earn and allows other people to spend it. I guess thats the hell of it.

11/14/00 20:39:12 EST

[ENTIRE POST CENSORED BY EDITOR]

Editor's note: I disagree. (JR)

11/14/00 01:54:20 EST

I've always loved life and you just made me smile and realize why. Thanks for helping me remember why i'm proud to be happy and selfish. Only one problem - you reminded me how good the Hand Grenade was and now i'll have to wait until i'm in New Orleans again to have one - thanks a lot!

11/8/00 10:02:35 EST

The stereotype that objectivists are negative people who have a stick up their ass is perpetuated by people like Davies. The Objectivist Sex piece was one of the best I've seen on this site. Truth be told, the negative-minded objectivists are the ones who will renounce objectivism later on, saying that it stole their free will and ruined thier lives in some multi-paragraph "review" of Atlas Shrugged on amazon.com

Real objectivsts think for themselves, take a postive view on life, and know how to have fun. Whenever I quote from the Lexicon, I do so as a prelude to an argument that I put in my own words, not as the actual argument. To be honest there was only one objectivist I ever met (well I've only met 3 of them, and since I live in Vancouver that in itself is an achievement) who was negative-minded, and this guy was in fact one of those Mr. Spock types. Hopefully sites like yours will help other such objectivists pull the sticks out of their asses and actually hold their own lives as their highest value rather than the Lexicon.

11/6/00 07:43:04 EST

Dear savethehumans.com:

Thank you for awakening me from my Kantian slumbers.

Sincerely,
Ben Steinhart

10/14/00 7:22:00 PM EST

Bravo, Mr. Roth, bravo. Encore, even.

But can we at least give the goose-steppers one point, which is this: The marketers of these slasher/sex flicks are not too far above the level of a turd mouse for trying to foist their garbage on our kids. Can we at least say THAT? Can we give them a big "fuck you" while protecting their civil liberties? I sure can.

Sincerely,

Jamie Kelly

10/03/00 12:14:00 PM EST

I am so fucking sick of parents who act helpless in the face of what their kids WANT. Like they can't just say NO. Like they have no fucking control over what they do. That's what all this is really about, isn't it? What they really want is for the movie executives to stop putting them in a situation where they might have to exert some parental control over what their kids do -- and risk little Skylar or Bebe or Brandon or Kelli being mad at Mom or Dad for telling them they can't go.

I've been reading some stuff about "Tweens" -- all these little girls who are worshipping Britney Spears and strugging around like teenagers starting instead when they're ten or so.

(www.city-journal.org/html/8_4_a1.html for example)

....And what I get out of it is that the parents all either think it's beyond their control. Why???

10/03/00 07:26 EST

How exactly does a couple perform the A is A position, and how much cool whip is needed?

Editor's note: It's a lot like the "existence exists", but both partners are standing up. (JR)

10/02/00 16:02:28 EST

Jason: Suggestion. Use guilt to earn money. I felt as if I should pay someone, why not you, when I printed out the 25 things an Objectivist should not say during sex. If you had a box to check $1 $5 $10 $25 I would have felt gratified enough to check $25, restrained myself and considered $10, been unable to hit the lowly $1 and balanced out the entire affair with a $5 and slunk away knowing full well that it was worth a $10 spot. Sincerely, Fran Lavin

Editor's note: Hey, we're too selfish not to accept donations. (JR)

10/02/00 12:07:54 EST

WOW - that was great. Can't wait to see the comments you get on that one....

10/02/00 11:52:39 EST

I just wanted to say that--ONCE AGAIN--I loved your article. Most of the charges against movie-violence stem from the realism of the violence. Several years ago, a group of people trying to "protect the children" were all up in arms about the UN-realistic violence in children's cartoons. It seems that some poor little girl's idiot brother put her in a coma by dropping a cement block onto her head from his treehouse. Evidently he saw Wile E. Coyote get hit with a cement block on TV, and didn't realize that it would actually hurt his sister if he did the same to her. Two issues: One, the kid is an idiot, two, if the kid is so out of touch that he doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality, why weren't his parents watching him. What if he watched Superman--would he jump off of his house?

I don't think the issue is really about violence at all. I think the real issue is about parents and lawmakers trying to always blame someone else for their problems. Since business is always evil in the Democratic mind, it obviously must be the fault of the people that make movies, cartoons, music, video games, TV programs, whatever that people do the things they do--not the fault of the people that choose to buy these products and choose to act out what they see. The real goal is to justify violating the principle of a non-censorship government. Once the principle has been violated once, it no longer exists as a protection for the citizens. You are right--this is a major turning point. The politicians found out that they can get away with it when they sued the Tobacco companies. Now they will see how far they can push it.

10/02/00 10:15:05 EST

Jason, will you marry me?

Editor's note: Will there be any socialists at the wedding? (JR)

10/02/00 01:33:45 EST

Though you make great deal of points about the bad teachers, your emphasis is too greatly placed on bad teachers. It is not necessarily only the teacher's fault that the educational system is so pour on the North American continent. The system in which encourages these people to teach is largely at fault. The administration is largely to blame for punishing teachers who break the mould and think for themselves, encouraging the students to find themselves and think for themselves. For many of the young teachers in Ontario where I am from are quitting after a year because they are getting punished, or quitting for their young and idealistic veiws encouraging that students think for themselves and become individuals. Then they also punish the students for standing out, so in Ontario at least the educational system at the current time is encouraging mediocrity and conformity because it is easier to deal with a homogenious flock, then a large body of individuals. This is something that society is largely encouraging, through trying to make everyone happy instead of trying to do what is best and allowing the freedom to be unique.

09/26/00 14:31:45 EST

I love your insightful comments, and that John Stossel letter was fantastic!

In case you were interested, there's an online petition in defense of John Stossel at: www.savejohnstossel.com

So far, over 2,300 people have signed it.

Also, the jerks at Vote.com have put out a poll asking netsurfers whether or not Stossel should be fired. Not suprisingly, the wording of the question is slanted against the reporter. The results of the poll will be sent directly to ABC. To vote for Stossel, go here.

Anyway, please keep up the good work!

Editor's note: Thanks for the compliments, and for pointing out the two sites. I've voted at vote.com and added my name to the Stossel petition, motivated by that great special he did recently "Is America Number One?" You gotta love it. (JR)

09/10/00 01:54:51 EST

Hey Mr. Kendall!

Loved your classifieds this month--especially the the Russian defector! Hilarious! Whatcha up to these days?

Chris McKenzie

PS, A Perfect Circle RULZ!!!!

09/06/00 11:37:54 EST

Very Funny.

The fact remains though, that people have this inate quality of being jealous when someone or thing is better than they are or have. Take a facelift for example, most people would secretly make fun of the person that's had it done. People should be happy for people who have had a procedure, (whatever it is). Why ?.... Because they're making a frigging effort to look better, god knows they probably needed it !!

08/29/00 18:38:56 EST

I think the Dog award by Jason Roth, was right on the money. I'm from Australia, so we don't have that program here. But I believe, it's not lack of parents love, it's the lack of self esteeme, and comfort with ones self. If a kid is not happy with himself, he'll try and change the way he feels....can you blame them? No.....

Great article.

08/29/00 18:29:10 EST

I loved the DOG awards page. It's always fun to see PC types get their collective bubbles popped.

To show how much I loved your article, I've even got a suggestion for your next DOG target - er, recipient:

thetruth.com

Chances are you've probably seen TV commercials or print ads by these folks already, but I'll give a quick run-down of why I think they'd be perfect:

1.) Blaming big tobacco for smoking. Yes, it's that old standby righteous liberal cause, anti-smoking. I myself am a strict non-smoker, and even *I* find these people obnoxious.

2.) Self-righteousness for days. They're almost insufferable. Just watch one of their ads; you'll see quickly.

....and the kicker...

3.) PSEUDO-ARTSY YOUTH-ORIENTED HIPSTERISM. Every single publication from these folks is obviously geared towards the techno-college-student-young-Democrat crowd. Their TV ads include lots of glitzy post-modernistic computer effects and imagery, including web-cams and pop-up screens. Plus, every single person appearing in every ad (except for the Big Bad Tobacco Capitalist Pigs) are college students. Basically, we're talking radical college kids on TV. What fun.

Anyway, if you've never seen these people, check out their eponymous website. And please, please, PLEASE write up a DOG award for them and post it to as many people as possible. You won't find a more worthy recipient of this presitigious award.

Editor's note: Thanks for the compliments. Yeah, someone pointed the site out to me. You can check his comments and mine down here. I've since seen their cutting-edge hip, Generation XYZ TV commercials, and would like to blow smoke in the faces of everyone involved with that organization. (Unfortunately, I'm currently staying off the clove cigarettes, so I don't have any smoke to blow.) The DOG Award is under consideration... (JR)

08/23/00 23:17:26 EST

I don't mind fucking, I enjoy it, but not as an adjective to hypocrite. It focuses on fucking while hypocrite is intended. Point being fucking has no point. Asshole for example is a potent description; fucking asshole doesn't describe the asshole other than that he fucks and since most people do it suggests that he is special for that reason.

08/15/00 10:33:48 EST

F*cking, brilliant. Enough said.

tngirl74

08/12/00 14:50:02 EST

Mr. Smith-Jones is right on with his comments. Couldn't argue with a single one...except I question if he really is Southern. No self-repecting Southerner spells you all any way except y'all. At the first of his column our most sacred word was spelled yall. Next ya'll. It's very questionable, unless it was edited by some Northern idiot, that a true Southerner is capable of such an outlandish mistake. I swanee, I do.

tngirl74

Writer's note: Throw your Yank dictionary away, darlin. I spelt it like it sounds: yawl = ya'll, not y'all, like yah-all. I learnt all that from "Addicted to Fonics." As for me bein a true blooded Southerner, I'll only say "fried dill pickles" an let you decide.

Yourn,

HTS-J, III

08/12/00 14:32:03 EST

Great suggestions Jason. I'm so freaking tired of folks applauding the orchestrated gang-rape otherwise known as the Microsoft Anti-Trust case.

Unfortunately the idiots who favor this sliding scale of justice are too stupid or too greedy to realize that when Microsoft is destroyed, it's only a matter of time until THEIR name shows up on the list...

08/04/00 13:10:34 EST

Tell your kids not to do drugs or they may stand a chance of becoming the President of the U.S.

Hmmm, wait a minute, that used to be something to aspire toward.

Nevermind.

07/29/00 23:16:39 EST

Think...it ain't illegal yet.

07/29/00 22:54:53 EST

Jason,

Did you notice that because you don't object to breast augmentation, you're not a REAL man? Because you aren't upset that some women take advantage of plastic surgery to make themselves (in their own opinion) esthetically pleasing, you are immature, less of a man, and no match for a REAL woman.

And your accuser, who feels compelled to tell you that she isn't flat-chested or a feminist, judges all women who have augmentation to be insecure and implies that all males who don't mind are not REAL. What makes this funnier, to me, is that she commands you to leave REAL breasts to men who know the difference. Oh, and she believes that your pud must not be large enough for your insecure mind until you start mocking women who assert self-ownership in ways that displease your attacker.

"Sure she said 'no', but I knew her boobs were real and... ...well Jason wasn't going to touch them!"

Just for the record, I'm not a neo-Hegelian pressure-group warrior and I don't usually yell "Put your dick in the cake" at birthday parties. Especially since I didn't think my dad would actually do it.

Editor's note: Maybe I should do an article defending penile implants. Unfortunately, my knowledge of the subject is limited. If I'm involved in an accident and come to need one (no converse puns intended), I will report back on the experience.

07/26/00 12:33:28 EST

I am no flat chested, feminist, but I think fake breasts are a sign of insecure, shallow and ridiculous women who have no faith in their own femininity. They DON'T look, feel and move like real breasts. If you believe that there is no difference, If You have no idea of the difference, then I may only say, You have the perception of a 12 year old boy. I guess plastic vagina's would be acceptable to you also. After all they can be made sooooooooo tight. GO GET IT Moron. After all falsies sewn under the skin, are so much different than falsies over the skin. I would suggest that you buy a box of ziploc bags and fill them with warm water. Then you can feel and suck on them as much as you want. What a conquest! What a man you will be! Get REAL. Oh, I forgot next time you order a steak and some waiter brings you a plastic one, don't complain, it's exactly the same thing according to the gospel by Jason.

I guess fake brains are what is filling up your head. Someone should have told you that they are not the same as real ones either. Go get a penile implant, with your criteria I am sure you could use one. Then you can be a sexier man, to women who have no confidence.

Now go conquer those ziploc bags. Leave the real breasts to men who know the difference.

Editor's note: Ziploc? What are you crazy? I prefer Glad bags: the jumbo, 30-pound, freezer bags that are great for preserving your plastic venison steaks all winter long. (JR)

07/18/00 13:14:00 EST

Man, I'm just having a rough day--I got pinned in the speed lane on the interstate going 55 mph and couldn't get over to my exit. I had to go five miles out of my way so I could turn around and go to school, where I am now sitting as my teacher repeats the same information over and over again to the "intellectually challenged" people around me. Thank God (metaphor!) there is a site like savethehumans.com where I can get an intellectual handshake. If it weren't for you guys, I might start to get bitter or something. Thanks!

07/11/00 17:55:40 EST

So...how much is Aaron's hourly rate?

07/11/00 11:27:56 EST

I just listened to the above named call and found it very entertaining. Not only was it funny, but also sad in that you expose the legal profession for what it really is...a group of "legal" money grubbing leeches. Thank you for lightening an otherwise dreary day.

07/08/00 09:39:30 EST

Damn right.

07/07/00 16:12:53 EST

Well its about gaddamn tyme somebody writ somethin worth me, Jake Jefferson Jones Junior, takin my valuble tyme to reed. I believe I like that boy what writ that peace on judgin. The Amber Waves of Grain be in deep shit if'n ya ax me, an refusin to point out exactly which hog ate the gaddamn cabbage be a main reason why.

Anyhow, they's some Greenpeace chick livin in a tree near my house on account of she loves it an' dont wont Innernatshional Paper Kompany a'choppin it down so everbody's just standin around sayin' 'please come down honey please? we don't wanna hurt you none, so come on down an' assept a donation to your organization.' Well, I said to my intelligent self, fuck that. So I'm off to saw down the gaddamn tree an' any livin critter or vermin in it.

Bye ya'll

JJJJged

07/01/00 09:35:01 EST

I think your observation about kids who are "different" from their peers and being targeted as "druggies", is totally right on the money. Because I didn't conform to the norms established by my peers, I obviously had to "be under the influence". Having the out of touch teacher reinforce their beliefs didn't help either. These addle-brained do gooders need to be beaten with a bag of used hypodermic needles, and the job turned over to someone who knows what the hell is really going on.

Buracrats and advertisers need to worry about their own kids, and leave me to watch after myself and my own children.

06/30/00 09:35:04 EST

Having been to Japan I can say that although the trains can get quite crowded at times you don't need to worry about pervs on acid jamming things in your ass. Of all the countries in the world Japan's crime rate is among the lowest. The very atmosphere is a far cry from North America or Europe, everyone is oriented on making the most of life and there are no "poor me" whiners. You won't see anyone high on drugs babbling nonsense or people begging for your spare change, and you can walk confidently through any part of the city at any time of the day or night confident that you won't be attacked. There are 2 reasons for this, one is that the police force is actually competent, but the second and more important reason is that kids are actually taught that they are responsible for their own actions, and if they screw up their lives the government isn't going to step in to mop up the mess. If the US would follow Japan's example things would be a lot better here.

06/29/00 17:18:560 EST

I'm curious as to why you thought this was one of the dumber news stories of the day. I'm guessing you have never been to Japan, or southeast Asia for that matter. The stats show a significant decrease in overcrowding on the trains, which was way out of control. I'm sure you would think it relevant if some perv was jamming something in your ass and you couldn't do anything about it because the train was too crowded. Keep that in mind the next time your stuck a couple feet away from that Lysol drinking acid casualty on the 6 train....

Editor's note: You're right, those daily stories are not always "dumb". In reality, they're "strange, odd, or just plain stupid". This egregious error has been corrected. (Of course, there's nothing strange or odd about someone jamming something up my ass. However, that usually takes place on the N train, not the 6.) (JR)

06/26/00 14:30:20 EST

I just saw a spot from "thetruth.com," a website run by The American Legacy Foundations: an organization fueled by money wrested away from "big tobacco" in the name of, I dunno, something good. In the ad, they refer to a post from an obviously misguided individual named "420Agirl" on their site which reads, "I can't believe people blame the tobacco industry for teen smoking." The super-cool youngster starring in the ad says, "but here's a fact, over 80% of big to-bacco's customers started when they were- guess what? - teenagers. Pretty big coincidence."

In other words, TEENAGERS ARE UNABLE TO THINK- no matter how smart and self-respecting you are, if you see those ads and you're a teen, you're gonna start smoking. End of story. When the government starts using looted cash to inform the public that some people are incapable of thought, you know we're in deep trouble.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Long live savethehumans.com, one of my five favorite web sites.

Editor's note: They say: "We're not against smokers, we're against cigarettes." Yeah, right. They should be thanking "cigarettes", because it's the damn tobacco companies that allow them to spout their PC BS. The site is worth checking out for a look at a modern Hitler Youth-type organization. The stuff spewed on that site reminds me of what I remember hearing from the kinds of kids that joined "student government" back in high school. They were the kids that said everything the adults (i.e., those with power) wanted them to say. Everyone knew they were completely fake, but no one quite "got" them. The problem is, they still don't understand them when they run for president of an entire nation. (JR)

06/18/00 18:13:00 EST

When somebody says 'What about the poor' in the context of an arguement for the abolishment of the welfare state.

It doesn't mean "I care about the poor and I don't want to see bad things happen to people who have had misfortunate things happen to them or who have made poor choices" - IT REALLY MEANS

WHAT ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME IF I GET POOR????????

06/18/00 01:54:46 EST

All the authors of the postings regarding toll booth clerks seem to think that these clerks actually get to keep the money they collect, set the fees, and enjoy working a crappy job that pisses people off. God forbid that any one of you end up in a dead-end J-O-B in which the general public hates your guts for performing a task you probably don't want to do in the first place.

06/09/00 01:04:25 EST

I enjoy coming to this website all the time. If any are interested check out my website for interesting writings and some neat links to other sites. Some sites are MONTY PYTHON, PINK FLOYD, GEORGE CARLIN and many more.

06/07/00 15:13:30 EST

Re:- The bible as arsewipe (use #13). Arsewipes is supposed to remove the shit, not daub it all over you...

06/05/00 10:40:31 EST

I don't like #13 on things to do with a Bible.

06/02/00 23:27:33 EST

....and there's the windup...CRACK!!!! Did you hear that SMACK?!?!?!?! Roth hits yet another on RIGHT OUT OF THE PARK!!!! Keep up the good work Mr. Roth. Loved your article on backbones...

06/02/00 10:48:14 EST

This is not what i expected. I came here from a philosophy page and thought it was going to be someting about people coming together and trying to make love a part of the world. Something we are running out of ya know. But no, just a bunch of people who probably don't even really care about saving humans, and bitching. Nothing ever gets accomplished with bitching. I do get up off my ass and try to teach people to love, and see the world as a valuable resource. Without her there wouldn't be us. You need to have something on this site to help people help people.

Editor's note: The world does not have a vagina. (JR)

05/23/00 16:13:48 EST

I thought it was a funny well written article. I fully agree that Scottland is North of england and that idiots with some sort of survival sense will make things up to make the world better for them. Look at congress as well as some lawyers.

05/23/00 15:49:24 EST

it's better to have loved and lost?! whatabout being in love and realizing it's not working out?

05/23/00 11:05:41 EST

Thank "God All-Mighty" or whatever that someone is finally paying attention.

05/22/00 23:30:05 EST

"say 'thank you' to the large breasts"...

or... "Yes, ma'am!" or... "We have a winna!" or... "Thank goodness the liberals haven't regulated THAT out of existence!... or "It's a good thing that you're so female cuz I like women." or "Oh lucky you, you come with shelves; I'm jealous. Can I borrow them?" or "What do you do for an encore?" or.... <YAWN> gotta go thanks for the cool website STH.

05/17/00 11:17:49 EST

I SAID IT ONCE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN:
"WE ARE A PLANET FULL OF MORONS AND IT'S AN UGLY AND VILE PLANET, BUT, WE HAVE GREAT PIZZA"

05/16/00 16:54:11 EST

I found this link browsing at another site and have spent most of my afternoon here! I love it! There is some sanity in the world!

Thank you!

Joy

05/12/00 15:53:01 EST

don't you think it's about time for a new question? meow?

I saw the new stuff - enjoyed Aaron's bitching column. I haven't checked all of it out yet, but it's a lovely photo you've picked for this month - enjoy the research?

Editor's note: You're right, it is about time. We've added a new question. What a helpful pussy (cat) you are. (JR)

05/04/00 08:32:18 EST

An insightful, well-thought-out and just plain ballsy editorial. Screw the weak and the wishy-washy, and make way for the unapologetic, moralizing Harry S Trumans of the world!

05/04/00 09:57:41 EST

this is one of the funniest sites ive seen, keep it up

04/27/00 09:14:29 EST

FUCK PETA

04/11/00 01:37:47 EST

You weren't thinking about MY mom were you, Mr. Kendall? I mean, I know she had a few problems--but she only destroyed a novel I wrote, all my cassette tapes, all my books, refused to let me watch TV, and kicked me out of the house for at 17 for having a playboy--does that really qualify as a psycho-Christian? I mean, she never branded a "Spawn-of-Satan" tattoo on my ass or anything. So, does she really qualify?

04/10/00 12:33:10 EST

Your DOG award was right-on. I am not, nor have I ever been, a fan of drugs, for all of the reasons you elucidated so well: reality, consciousness, self-esteem. I have seen some of the "Partnership" ads, but never given them much thought. You had me intrigued and disgusted throughout the entire article, but the part that really pissed me off was the link to the "How to Plan a Funeral for a 12 year-old" site.

Rarely have I seen advertising so below-the-belt for ANY cause. Thank you for taking the time to research this subject so thoroughly, and for sharing with us. I will advise all my friends of the link to this article.

04/10/00 11:33:52 EST

I don't think you should use the words 'Jesus Christ' as an alternative to a swear word. Please say f*** or c*** or any other curse word, but please don't use Christ's name as a swear word. Goddam is awful too. Please, I would rather hear all the curses and profanities in this world than to hear ppl using God's name.

Nevertheless, I agree with most of what you had to say on your web pages. However, do you think the media is giving what the people want?

Regards

Maureen

04/9/00 01:55:00 EST

I'm sorry, the DOG award article on the PDFA adverts is as poorly thought out as the campain it mocks.

If "save the humans" applied the same standards to judging their own site, they'd be a shoe in for a DOG award.

Yuck.

Jssh

04/7/00 01:23:18 EST

I think you should call the Dog Award "The Pucket"

Pucket, the Chocolate Lab who was one of the U.S. Customs Service's top drug dogs, has retired after nine years of sniffing out over $120 million in narcotics. In his career Pucket uncovered nearly 2,500 pounds of cocaine, over 2,000 pounds of marijuana, and 32 pounds of opium.

Pucket is expected to be released from the Betty Ford Center sometime next year.

04/7/00 22:30:16 EST

Very good. Anybody who encourages people to think for themselves, and to be realistic is alright with me. Keep it up!

04/7/00 19:29:53 EST

as an addiction psychiatrist, your piece on ONDCP drug wart advertising was outstanding. mccaffery and the other narconazis are using our money, taken at the point of a gun (if anyone does not believe this, refuse to pay your taxes) to mindfuck us. in the words of the elegant philosopher eric idle, "always look on the bright side of life (everybody whistle)".

04/7/00 18:20:37 EST

Ya, I gotta comment for ya.

Fucking hysterical (and poingnant as hell).

You, sir, could create a more sensical drug policy using a napkin and pencil than the delusional shit heads ruinning the ONCDP.

Then again, a monkey could too (no offense).

04/7/00 17:04:48 EST

It is unfortunate that so many folks eat this stupid drug war up. Whatever happened to our right to seek happiness? I don't recall the founders requiring that we find it, just that we have the freedom to seek it. Hey, mistakes are part of the process! Let me make my own.

04/5/00 08:08:16 EST

WOW - really insightful and thought provoking commentary. I'm really impressed. Those dopes at the Partnership for a Drug Free America should be sent a copy of this.

And no, i'm not saying that sarcastically.

04/03/00 16:16:25 EST

I can't get outraged about welfare mothers driving cadillacs (as if) when federal tax dollars are spent to build a $15 million dollar road to a multimillionaire's ski resort.

Check out this story - Earl Holding (owner of Sinclair Oil & Little America hotels) gets a new road built to his ski resort, Snow Basin, in Utah all in the name of the Olympics. Somehow I can't see how that really benefits the average taxpayer (and I live in Salt Lake City). Why don't you post some stories about the real tax cheats??

Editor's note: Welfare for the rich is just as bad as welfare for the poor. (JR)

03/24/00 11:25:40 EST

i think the best thing you can say to a toll clerk is "are those ezpass signs i see being erected over those three tollbooths?" even if its not (and it always is) it pisses them off to a highly satisfying degree.

03/13/00 21:33:06 EST

I loved Aaron's article. That's all I have to say. Oh yeah, except, "hi Aaron".

03/10/00 02:56:21 EST

That article was awesome. I have thought plenty about alternative methods of paying for road maintenance, and somehow missed the idea of having them paid for by advertisers. Interesting.

03/8/00 19:34:11 EST

I liked what you wrote about media garbage, although I'm not 100% clear exactly what side you're on. You seem to suggest that because it sells, it's okay. One thing I really didn't get was the part about not needing a middle man to kill the Christians. I don't get what your problem is with them, and why, if you are so logical, you don't blast ALL religions. Picking on Catholics isn't really that original, in fact that is all we see in the media, and the arts. Every year some 'independent' film-maker puts out a movie blasting Catholicism, the news shows ALWAYS, the few bad apples in the Catholic Priesthood, then, of course, there's painting. Kill the jews, buddhists, mosloms, and hindu's too, why not?!

02/21/00 16:46:37 EST

I just read an article about a study that says people who are on the web are doing so at the expense of contact with 'real people'. The article made a point, several times, I might add, that people on the web spent their time emailing others and not watching TV. What!!! Since when is watching TV considered to be 'contact with real people'???? One would think that emailing a real person would be closer to having contact with 'real people' than watching TV!!! Did I miss something?

02/16/00 21:22 EST

This site Rocks Hard!!!! Thanks for a great time and please keep it up!!!