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Page 1
Subhead - May 2000
by Jason Roth
- (Yahoo! Apr. 10, 2000)
China Says Embassy Bombing No Mistake
US says "You're right, it's about time we pounded your commie asses."
- (Reuters, Apr. 11, 2000)
Larry Linville, Maj. Burns of TV's M+A+S+H, Dies
So long, Ferret Face.
- (BBC, Apr. 12, 2000)
US Seeks Vatican Help On Elian
"Our PR people didn't work," Reno said, "Give yours a shot. Hey, if you can make the moral duty to carry unwanted fetuses to term sound good, why not this?"
- (Reuters, Thursday Apr. 13, 2000)
FedEx Workers Arrested in U.S. Marijuana Raid
FedEx: When it absolutely positively has to be there hey my hands feel weird.
- (CNET News.com, Apr. 20, 2000)
Napster Undeterred By Musician's Demands
Napster lawyer explains, "Hey, we don't rob banks, we just drive the getaway car!"
- (Associated Press, Apr. 25, 2000)
Vermont Gay Union Bill Is Approved
Stay-at-Home Mom George Smith To Sue Insurance Company for Failure to Cover His Lamaze Classes
- (Internet World News, Apr. 26, 2000)
Competitors Want Access to AOL Instant Messaging
AOL Wants Competitors to Remove Hands From AOL's Genitals
- (Associated Press, Apr. 27, 2000)
Images of Early Universe Revealed
Baby Universe "has God's eyes", scientists say. Leading astronomers scrap big bang theory in favor of "God got sodomized by a supernova motorcycle gang." Religious conservatives in US Senate thank God for not aborting the universe.
- (Associated Press, Apr. 28, 2000)
U.S. Urges Breakup of Microsoft
Savethehumans.com Urges Renaming of Justice Department
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