STH Newsletter

Occasional updates, plus bonus idiotic ramblings. (We've never sent more than one e-mail per month.)

Subhead - April 2000

by Jason Roth

• (Press Association, Mar. 14, 2000)

  Baby Crushed To Death In Forklift Accident

  Blood pouring from the baby's head clued the mother in that the baby's ear was not, in fact, the baby's mouth.

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• (Press Association, Mar. 14, 2000)

  Pain Relievers 'Kill 2,000 People A Year'

  Over 45% of people who take pain relievers eventually die, sources say.

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• (Reuters, Mar. 23, 2000)

  Pope Tells Jews in Israel of Grief Over Holocaust

  Gassing Jews "almost as evil as sex with a condom" Pope remarks.

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• (Associated Press, Mar. 23, 2000)

  Clinton Listens to Indian Women

  With their mouths full, there wasn't much to hear.

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• (Reuters, Mar. 23, 2000)

  Reno Says Judge's Ruling Clears Return of Cuban Boy

  "I'm happy with the alternative that's been chosen," Attorney General Reno commented, "Everyone knows a Disney World vacation just sucks my dick compared to forced child labor in a Cuban tobacco plantation!"

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• (Internet World News, Mar. 23, 2000)

  Content Providers Lobby Against AOL-Time Warner Deal

  Poor little Disney and other multi-million dollar corporations overheard crying "No fair! Mommy, they're not letting me play!"

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• (The New York Times, Mar. 27, 2000)

  1,500 March in Boston to Protest Biotech Food

  The leader of the march, a quirky scientist-type, was played by Jeff Goldblum.

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• (Reuters, Mar. 27, 2000)

  Cal. Jury Gives $20 Million to Ex-Smoker

  Ex-smoker buys new lung and carton of Marlboros.

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• (Reuters, Mar. 31 2000)

  South African Disco Deaths Spark Violence

  Largest suicide linked to Saturday Night Fever, bell-bottom pants, and polyester outside the United States, sources say.

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