Turns out Kermit the Frog doesn't like being green.
"I'm tired of hopping, for fuck's sake," Kermit said.
Kermit the Frog, who's reportedly been paid $5.5 million to endorse the Ford Escape Hybrid, defended himself today against critics who say that all automobiles use energy, and even electricity requires the depletion of fossil fuels.
"Everybody knows these hybrids don't run on gravity," Frog said. "But even communists with flippers need transportation. It's not easy being red, that's for goddamn sure."
Kermit the Frog said the Ford Escape is only meant to be one step towards a future of clean energy.
"Ford and I are in complete agreement about this, and I have no regrets about my endorsement," Frog added. "We look forward to the day when all cars will be powered by clean, efficient, pork fat."
Frog said that, contrary to popular misconception, swine are in fact remarkably clean animals, making pork fat one of the cleanest alternative fuels available.
"It's great as a fuel and tasty as a snack," Kermit said. "I enjoy mine raw between a pair of frog's legs."
Critics from the environmentalist movement say there is more to Frog's endorsement of the Ford vehicle than meets the eye. Until recently, the most vocal critic of the Frog-Ford relationship has been Stallworth Spandykes, president of BALLSLESS (Bicyclists Against 'Lectric Locomotion and Statutes Legally Endorsing Society's Sewage).
Spandykes, who recently made front-page news when he disfigured his testicles in a solar-powered unicycle accident, pointed out that when you rearrange the letters of the word "frog" and flip the last letter vertically, you get "ford".
"Is this a coincidence?" Spandykes asked. "We don't think so. The question is: who is sleeping with whom?"
When asked about the paparazzi photos that recently surfaced depicting what appeared to be Kermit the Frog giving cunnilingus to a crash-test dummy, the frog declined to comment.
