Joey Hansen, age 6, has been accused of fondling a priest's testicles.
The child's accuser, Father Stephen Dexter, age 64, went to police yesterday afternoon after allegedly being molested for 15 months by the young boy's sweaty fingers. Dexter claimed that 6-year-old Hansen touched his privates at least once every time Hansen's mother received the holy sacrament of communion.
"I couldn't block the kid's hands," Dexter said. "My hands were full of those fucking Jesus wafers. I mean, I didn't want to drop Jesus all over the place."
Sources in the Catholic Church said that dropping Jesus all over the place was at least a no-no, if not a full-fledged sin.
Dexter, who has been a priest in his Bergen County, New Jersey parish for almost 35 years, says that Hansen's parents knew about the molestation for at least a year and a half, but refused to report the act to authorities.
"I had to live with this knowledge for almost two years," Father Dexter said. "Eventually, you get to a point when you say to yourself, you know, I put my trust in that boy. And he took advantage of that trust. I mean, I get to tell the kid he's going to Hell and everything, but what good does that do for my balls right here and now?"
Hansen's parents said that it was against the tradition of the Hansen family to reveal such acts to an outside party.
According to Dexter, his years of seminary training never prepared him for the day when a young boy would touch his genitals.
"We learned how to muffle our own farts during confession," Dexter said, "but nowhere did the Priest Handbook say anything about child molestation."
"What bullshit," Dexter added.
