Swearing to God he thought the midget was a young boy, Father Robert "Long Bob Silver" O'Sullivan was dragged from his confessional naked and in handcuffs yesterday. Police made the arrest, only weeks after half of a missing persons report was filed by the midget's wife.
Boston Police Commissioner Paul F. Evans said that O'Sullivan was already wearing the handcuffs when officers arrived. In addition to the toy handcuffs, O'Sullivan was also carrying a set of lubricated Rosary beads between his buttocks, eyewitnesses say.
Boston Cardinal Bernard Law was quick to state for the record that "The Catholic Church does not condone the sodomizing of adult male midgets." Law said that priests were not trained to "keep it to themselves" for decades at a time just so they could "shoot their load in a fucking midget."
"That's like fasting all through Lent then eating at Denny's on Easter Sunday," Law said.
"When Father O'Sullivan fucked that midget," Law added, "He shamed the entire Catholic community. It will take months, maybe years, before the world can again recognize us as the sexually-repressed boy-fuckers for which we were once so proudly known."
O'Sullivan's arrest makes the fifteenth arrest in two months by the Boston Police's Clerical Sexual Misconduct Division.
