Bob Renard, a New York City shoeshine boy, today trademarked a unique shoeshining technique as an official business practice with the US Patent and Trademark Office.
The business practice, technically referred to as the "ignore the back 'o the shoe" technique, is a cost-cutting measure with which Renard expects to save thousands.
"What you do," said Renard, a 42nd Street native, "is you ignore the back of the shoe. Get it?"
By ignoring the back of the shoe, Renard hopes to save money on shoe polish.
"Nobody looks at the back of their own shoes," Renard said.
By trademarking the "ignore the back 'o the shoe" technique, Renard believes he can undercut competing shoeshine boys. Renard says his shoe polish costs will be comparatively lower for a given shine.
Harry Kingsly, a shoeshine boy from 8th Ave., occupies a site one block away from Renard's headquarters.
"What's he gonna do when New Yorkers are all walking around with dirty shoe-backs?" Kingsly asked. "Sure, ignorance is bliss when it comes to your own shoes, Kingsly said, "But how are people gonna feel when they hafta stare at the backs of other people's dirty shoes all day long?"
At press time, Mr. Kingsly's lawyers have not yet responded to allegations by the Hafta Corporation that he infringed on their copyright of the term "hafta". Kingsly said he has no intention of reverting to proper English pronunciation after "35 years in this fuckin' city."
"No fuckin' way," Kingsly added.
