Following the lead of Leftist political correctness proponents, a new conservative pro-war organization is seeking legal means to alter the meaning of the phrase "find the root causes of."
The new group, DOVE (Death and Obliteration to the Veraciously Evil), is applying legal pressure on the publishers of the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) to update its definition of the phrase in question.
Working under the auspices of the Committee for the Dropping of Heavy Explosive Shit on Islamic Terrorists, DOVE hopes to eliminate much of the anti-American propaganda being spewed on television news programs by Ivy-League professors.
The OED currently defines "find the root causes of" as "to distract attention, evade, or dick around until the United States is blown to fucking bits."
According to the court papers submitted by DOVE, DOVE's new proposed definition of the phrase is: "Declare war on those fanatical terrorist bastards and send them and their state sponsors on an express trip to Allah."
"[By changing the definition] we can turn traitors into patriots with one stroke," the chairman of DOVE said.
DOVE's chairman added that a reversal of the phrase "find the root causes of" will result in "greater unity at a time when America needs it most."
According to DOVE, the writer of the new and improved definition was inspired by John Lennon, who once wrote, "Can't buy me love."
"Lennon was prophetic," DOVE's Definition Writer said. "In times of need, it's impractical to try to buy love from your enemies through compromising words of appeasement."
The estate of John Lennon could not be reached for comment.
