In an announcement that could change the face of bathing for years to come, the Procter & Gamble corporation today confirmed a study that revealed human bone content in Ivory soap.
A spokesman for Procter & Gamble said that the "99 44/100% Pure" claim the company has used since the nineteenth century is entirely true. According to the spokesman, "The slogan wouldn't have sounded as good if we had mentioned the gas chambers."
After years of implying that Ivory's purity was a good thing, the company is reversing their position. "It's not the purity of the soap that makes it so good, but the human bones," the Procter & Gamble spokesman said.
A source within the company said Procter & Gamble has been privately endorsing "strong and healthy bones" for years. Unconfirmed reports show a $100 mil. anonymous donation to the California Fluid Milk Processor Advisory Board, owner of the trademark "got milk?"
It is unknown whether the company will stop harvesting human bodies for use in its soap products. One source said the company is considering changing their slogan to "Got boned?"
