Matilda Matthews, member of the National Organization for Women (NOW) and ex-porn star, caused quite a stir today when she set fire to her 36-KKK bra on the steps of the Washington Capitol.
Initially, the bra's fire-retardant cups, invented by men, prevented Matthews from igniting the undergarment. However, after briskly rubbing together two wooden dildos, Matthews was able to break the chains of male oppression and overcome the breast-muzzling power of the brassiere that all-too-often withers the flame of the female heart.
The wooden dildos were relics of Matthews' appearance in "My Three Slaves", an historically accurate period film about the lives of independent American women.
Competing feminist groups, including WHORE (Women Herding Organizationally to Regulate the Environment) came down on NOW for their endorsement of environmentally unsafe male-bashing procedures.
WHORE scientist Dr. Dick Eunuch said he's not surprised that Matthews' bra released so much pollution.
"When you burn something that's meant to cover up a couple of KKK breasts, it follows that the resulting smoke is necessarily going to eclipse the sun," Eunuch said. "It's sort of a scientific tit for tat," Eunuch added.
Observers claimed that the sky went dark during the bra-burning ceremony, and many complained of nipply weather.
NOW president Patricia Ireland said that the organization would choose more environmentally-friendly techniques in the future for vocalizing their victimhood status.
Ex-porn star Matthews' original suggestion, "blowjobs", has been rejected by the organization, Ireland said.
