In what is being billed as New York's first "foreskin forecast", an area snowman has predicted huge numbers of unendowed weathermen will be coming out of the closet in the next few days. But just barely.
Fross T., or "Ice Man" as he's known to his friends, says the reason weathermen continue to make forecasts even though they have no fucking idea what they're talking about, is due to their "weathered veins".
And Ice Man says the cold weather doesn't help either.
"You take three inches, chill, then serve promptly, and you have one unimpressive weatherman penis," the Man said.
Ice believes that many weathermen try to cover up for their, well, parts that don't need much covering, by making fantastic predictions of massive blizzards.
"It's the old smoke and mirrors trick," Ice says. "What could distract a woman more from looking down at a weatherman's crotchal area, than telling her that a hailstorm of big fucking ice cubes were about to land on her head?"
Amazingly, an independent survey backs the Ice Man up. A study conducted by the Mr. Frosty ice cream corporation, released just last month, shows that two out of three women prefer to get out of the way of big fucking ice cubes than to look at a three-inch penis.
Cathy Montgomery, one of the survey respondents, reports that she herself fell victim to a weatherman's distractions. "I was looking up at the sky for a big fucking ice cube, and the next thing I knew, I'm in bed with Cyclone Bob, the weatherman for WLBK 88.2 FM, Providence Rhode Island's Home of Classic Rock (with News and Weather on the 10's)."
Montgomery says she's never been the kind of person to feel "under the weather". But that soon changed. "He predicted a 95% chance of precipitation," Montgomery claimed, "He was right on target."
What were Cyclone Bob's winning words of woo? According to eye witnesses, the line that finally got Montgomery to drop her tequila sunrise and start sucking face was an old Cyclone stand-by:
"And now for your one-night forecast. It's going to be a hot one, folks. Expect high humidity, with gusts of up to eighty miles an hour. Better stay indoors, tonight, we're just going to have to ride this one out."
Ice Man says that all the studies support his claims of weatherman overcompensation of sexual inferiority. Says the Ice Man, "I'd make another bad joke that combines weather activity with sexual activity, but I'm afraid someone's head just might explode."
"It's time we stop rewarding snow jobs with blow jobs," Ice Man added.
One thing is certain. For a man made out of snow, Ice sure has balls.
