The underwear world was shaken up this week as two longstanding members of the Fruit of the Loom organization were dismissed without pay. Leaving the organization are Apple and Red Grapes, to be replaced next month by Eggplant and Tofu.
The new organization will be tentatively named "Fruit and/or Vegetables and Vegetable Products of the Loom".
"God dammit." Red Grapes said. "What the hell does tofu have to do with underwear?" One reporter shouted back "What the hell do red grapes have to do with underwear, you moron?" to which Red Grapes responded "Fuck you, you asshole."
Banana, a lawyer for the fruit, was concerned that affirmative action has "gone too far."
"We had hoped the judge would have been a little more open minded. Unfortunately, he thought gay rights only applies to fruit in the metaphorical sense."
"This is a sad day for fruit," Banana said.
In an astonishing turn of events, the court stenographer was detained for eating one of Red Grape's limbs. It is uncertain whether prosecutors will push for 1st Degree Cannibalism.
