Edward Barkley claimed today to be the target of an organized conspiracy by the publishers of the well-known Guinness Book of World Records.
Until this week, the Guinness Book listed Barkley as a holder of 83 world records. But according to Guinness World Records Ltd., Barkley has now been disqualified as a record holder due to his repeated death threats against Guinness personnel.
Barkley had been tied with Sir Edward Levy for the world record of having the most number of world records. When Guinness decided to offer Levy the exclusive title to the record, "that's when Barkley snapped", the Guinness spokesman said.
"Barkley couldn't deal with second place," a Guinness spokesman explained. "He threatened to chop us up with the world's largest pick axe, and feed the world's bloodiest remains to the world's largest crocodile."
But according to Edward Barkley, the decision to declare Levy the world record holder for the most world records was unfair and influenced by Levy's association with Sheila Johnson. Johnson is a secretary at Guinness World Records Ltd.
"Something's not right," Barkley said. "I mean, this is like, bullshit," Barkley added.
Guinness claims that their decision to issue Edward Levy the award for the most world records was completely justified. According to Guinness, Levy also held the title to 83 world records. When Levy was presented with the world record for the most world records, his total number of records went to 84. Therefore, his record for the most world records was justified and accurate.
"83 world records, plus the record for the most world records, equals 84 world records. It doesn't take a man with the world's highest IQ to figure that out," the Guinness spokesman commented.
Joseph Osbourne, the man with the world's second-highest IQ, had this to add: "I can definitely sympathize with Barkley. I've been in litigation with the man with the world's highest IQ for over two years now."
Osbourne is seeking a court order against the man with the world's highest IQ, charging him with "fixing the contest". Osbourne says that the man with the world's highest IQ has convinced Guinness judges that he's the only man capable of writing Osboune's IQ test. "The whole system is rigged," Osbourne said.
The spokesman for Guinness World Records Ltd. countered Osbourne with the statement that Osbourne will be featured in next year's World Book as the world's biggest loudmouthed bastard, and Barkley as the world's most insane axe-wielding psychopath.
