Ronald Hafaman, conjoined twin and brother of David Hafaman, has received a court order to initiate "heart usage fee" payments to his brother David in the amount of $9.99 per month.
David Hafaman was given full custody of the Hafaman heart late Friday by the State Supreme Court of New York. The judgment declared: "Ronald is the parasite here. When all is said and done, Ronald is just a head."
Ronald Hafaman's lawyer had argued that Mr. Hafaman was in fact pivotal in achieving movement in the Hafaman right shoulder, and therefore, should be granted part ownership of the Hafaman heart.
"To give a full shrug, he needs me," Ronald Hafaman said at a press conference following the proceedings. "I'm really upset at Dave about this. I've always been a good brother to him. When it comes to conjoined twin brothers, I'm head and shoulders above the rest."
"It's my torso, it's my heart!" David Hafaman retorted. "I'm just glad the court saw through all the legal mumbo jumbo. For as long as I can remember, Ronnie's been nothing but a monkey on my back."
The Hafaman dispute prompted reporters to ask whether the Hafamans would proceed with their alleged Friday night double-date with conjoined twins Francis and Martha Twotimes.
Ronald Hafaman stated that he would be spending the evening at home "to collect his thoughts". David Hafaman, however, said he would be going on the date as scheduled.
"Hey, if he wants to sit home and mope, that's his prerogative," David Hafaman said. "Unfortunately for him, they didn't call me 'legs Hafaman' in high school for nothing, if you know what I mean."
