Thanks to a bill formally introduced today, thousands of unconceived children will be saved, anti-abortion groups announced. The bill promises to criminalize all acts of "grisly murder" against unconceived, unborn, unliving, unexisting children.
"This is a big victory for us," said Susan McAfree, leader of the nation's largest Pro-Dead group. "This is huge progress over last year's ban on the partial ejaculation abortion."
Religious groups, led by McAfree, next plan to tackle the goal of protecting the unresurrected.
"It is for God to judge the unconceived and undecayed, not for man," McAfree, said. "We need to ban cremation, the use of human organs in science, and all forms of suicide that involve firing bullets or messy sawmill accidents."
Some forms of religion, according to McAfree, believe that the human soul is reunited with the body after death, and chopping up the body after death "fucks with His plan".
It remains to be seen whether the Pro-Death movement will address the recent trend of "girl-catches your eye but the thought of marrying and/or fucking her barely even enters your mind" abortions.
It is estimated that nearly five million babies each year are never born due to people not fucking.
