According to a privately-funded research study, the feminist movement has encountered a major obstacle in manufacturing a sterile, asexual society. John Doe, the leading research scientist in the study, says that feminists can expect a minimum of 25-30 more years of sexual undertones, T&A flicks, and gender-specific undergarments.
Dr. Doe, who said he prefers to remain anonymous for the security of his research results, says he has drawn these conclusions after over five years of testing within the airline industry.
"You know how the words steward and stewardess were supposed to be replaced by flight attendant? Well, I got bad news for you. It just ain't happening."
Doe is alluding to what leading feminists consider a landmark achievement in "conceptual castration", the process of removing all remnants of gender from the world's vocabularies in the hopes of making people forget that men and women exist. "We're far away from the feminist ideal of burlap sack bathing suits," Doe said.
Over the course of the past five years, Doe says he's walked up behind female flight attendants and casually said aloud, "Hey, look at that hot stewardess." According to Doe, 9 out of 10 female flight attendants have turned their heads to identify the speaker of the words. "If that's not proof that feminists are complete idiots, I don't know what is," Doe said.
Doe said he's also been able to identify the sources of statistical error in his study. "I figure you have a lesbian or two that might be turning around just to check out the hot stewardess for herself, but that shows she still knows what the word means. Remember, the key point is that feminists are idiots."
Doe also believes that a small percentage of female flight attendants can in no way construe themselves as being hot, so "if they happen to turn around when I initiate the study methodology, it must be purely coincidental."
"I mean, it's gotta be," Doe added. "You should see a few of these broads. I don't know how airline personnel could stand looking at them for the length of a five-minute job interview, let alone on a five-hour flight. Damn, those bitches are ugly."
Doe plans to conduct his next series of studies in the fashion industry. He will first tackle the task of predicting the cultural longevity of the cat call, something that's been largely ignored by the scientific community, Doe said.
"Besides, being an Avon lady seems like a great way to pick up chicks," Doe said.
