Mr. Owl, well-known for his work in television, was arraigned yesterday afternoon on charges of lollipop theft.
Mr. Own allegedly took the lollipop from a little girl after she asked him "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?" But according to police reports, the girl never authorized Mr. Owl to perform such experimentation on the lollipop.
The little girl's lawyers allege that Mr. Owl chomped down on the Pop after only three licks, severely undermining the credibility of the "experiment" defense. The girl's name has not yet been released due to her age and the violent nature of the crime.
According to a statement from Mr. Owl's lawyers, the feathers at the scene of the crime, the lollipop stains on Mr. Owl's wings, and the suicide note found in Mr. Owl's nest were all fabrications by LA County police to frame Mr. Owl for a crime he didn't commit.
"This is a blatant act of speciesm," Mr. Owl's lawyers said today.
Some experts are accusing Mr. Owl's lawyers of playing the species card. Such cards were popular in the 1980s, and contained many interesting facts about each animal. According to some critics, "You'll receive new cards each month, and you can cancel at any time."
It's not been a good month for the Owl family. Mr. Owl's cousin Hooty was arrested earlier this month for toxic waste dumping, and his nephew Hedwig is currently being held on $2,000,000 bail for mail fraud and for competing directly with the U.S. Postal Service.
It looks like some birds are meant to be caged.
