Members of both major American political parties expressed disappointment today, as the Republicans rescinded their offer to merge the two parties.
High-ranking politicians in both parties had high hopes for the merger. In the words of one unnamed Democratic source, "We would have been that much closer to complete dictatorship. So yeah, of course we're bummed about it."
Private, closed-door discussions had been taking place between the two parties for some time. A rumor that Governor Bush and Vice President Gore were themselves involved was reported first by Matt Drudge early last month.
The merger of the Republican and Democratic parties, according to many political analysts, would have left voters little to no choice in most major elections.
"Everyone knows the Reform Party, the Green Party, the Libertarians, and all those other--," Sam Donaldson said last night on the ABC evening news, before breaking into hysterical laughter. Donaldson failed to complete his commentary, and reportedly had to be carried out of the studio on a stretcher.
A spokesman for the Republicans hinted at the reason for the postponement of the merger. "They're just not liberal enough for us," the spokesman said. "Now that we're compassionately conservative, I think we're going to hold out until we're confident that the Democrats are tolerantly tyrannical."
Experts on the proposed merger had been dubious about whether the abortion issue would be a roadblock. Not so, according to our sources.
"Aw, hell," a Jewish Democratic Senator who wished to remain nameless said. "My Late Term Abortion Limitation Act should have been right up the Republicans' alley. But they pushed for the Partial Birth Ban, and I thought my version of the law was so much better. Until we can agree on the names for our bullshit laws, we're just never going to see eye to eye."
But another Democratic source was more optimistic. "We're willing to let the abortion thing slide. As long as they let us appease our god, Mother Nature, they can fool around with their own God stuff. They can even have prayer in the classroom, as far as we're concerned. Just give us the environment."
