Washington, D.C.
23 August 2000
Officials of the National Transportation Safety Board today released findings of the two-year investigation into the crash of TWA Flight 800 minutes after take off. The final conclusion, said by private aeronautical engineers to be definitive, points the blame at a faulty design by Boeing Aircraft.
Reaction was somewhat unexpected. Said Christopher Hitchens of The Nation magazine - yes, the one yet to turn a profit since 1865 - "Bullshit. Why on earth would the government, that Puppet of Capitalist Pigs, blame the puppet master?
Geraldo was shaken. "What?! Are you sure? The Government of the United States blamed a major corporate entity for the deaths of women and children? Where'd you hear that shit? God, if true, my ratings will drop even further."
Reverend Al Sharpton called a press conference that was attended by three journalism interns at the New York Times.
"I hab confadentul docaments dat prove Boeing did dis shit on purpose to kill black folks! It's a conspiracy! And den Boeing CEO's was goin' to rape Tawanna AGAIN! The gov'ment needs to pay us reparations for what happened 140 years ago so's we can afford to take a boat ride to Europe!"
