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New Evidence Sheds Light on God's Gender
by Adam Burford
Fragments of a papyrus unearthed recently in an archeological site, Jerusalem, shed new light on the nature of God. The ancient writings suggest that God has no penis.
"This explains why the Virgin Mary was a virgin," stated Dick Peters, Dr. of Theology, Antwerp. "Traditionally we have held that God deprived Mary of sexual pleasure because she would have been spoiled for any living man. It appears now that God was just plain unable to get it up."
With the new data in hand, some Theologians are claiming that God created Hell on the day He realized that he would be unable to masturbate. It's lonely at the top.
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