A new non-profit organization opened this week to compete with the well-known Make-a-Wish Foundation. The Make-a-Curse Foundation, founded by John Baker, M.D., will allow bitter, dying children to spread a little bit of hate before they pass away.
"The idea behind our organization is that bad little children are just as deserving of our help as the good children," Foundation president Baker said. "Our organization will help these neglected children who will never be able to grow up to realize their full, inner evil."
The first child helped by the Foundation was Brian Walton, a seven-year old boy dying of stomach cancer in a San Francisco hospital. According to Brian's mother, Brian's curse was to throw a bottle off of the Empire State Building.
The Foundation provided Brian and his mother the airfare to New York City, a hotel room, entrance fee to the Empire State Building observatory, and one glass Coca Cola bottle. Dr. Baker said that Brian threw the bottle "with such contempt and maliciousness, it was really quite touching."
Brian's bottle hit a street vendor in the head while he was putting onions on a hot dog for a customer. A witness reported that the customer refused to pay for the hot dog once it was splattered with blood and brains. "Besides," the witness said, "there was no one to give the money to except the dead Indian guy." The vendor's hotdog cart was "promptly looted by Eurotrash tourists", witnesses said.
Baker is hoping to have more luck with the Make-a-Curse Foundation than he did with his last failed charitable venture, the SSS.
"The Society for the Spread of Syphilis admittedly never fulfilled its promise," Baker said. "Once prostitutes and pimps got word that I had syphilis, most of those goddamn whores refused to have sex with me."
"Bitches." Baker added.
