HOUSTON, Texas - When local outdoorsman Duke Jansen purchased a beef-and-bean burrito from the local Taco Bell last Thursday, the last thing he expected to find was an apparition of deceased science-fiction writer and Church of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.
"I was about to take a bite out of the dang thing and there he was, looking up at me all beatific and stuff," said Jansen, 51, who admitted to drinking before the incident. Several witnesses allege to have seen the vision as well, claiming it looked as if the face were trying to "tell them something".
Noted Biblical scholar Rev. James Henfield reluctantly acknowledged the event as a bona fide sign from God. "In the past, the Lord has chosen either Himself or envoys of His will to appear in a variety of ways - a burning bush, a weeping icon, various tasty Mexican foods - so this latest vision is consistent with the way that the Lord reveals Himself to us. Unfortunately, we Christians have no recourse other than to accept this miracle as incontrovertible proof of L. Ron Hubbard's divinity, no matter how shitty his books may be."
Added Henfield, "All praise be to Scientology, the one true religion!"
