In a sweeping turn of events, Palmolive spokesmen announced this week that performing fellatio can indeed make your breath smell fresh, even minty. According to the product's label, new Palmolive Genital Scrub acts as a disinfectant, as well as both a lubricant and breath freshener.
"If your genitals don't taste as good as they feel, we'll refund double your money back and reimburse you for costs incurred at French restaurants and flower shops which may have incited the fellatio," the label reads.
One independent survey, cited in the company's press statement, concluded that one in three blind women couldn't tell the difference between their boyfriends and a candy cane. "The liquid center gave it away," survey participant Amanda Cummings remarked. "But gosh, going down on Billy took me back to Christmas morning at Grandma's house. It was really a beautiful feeling."
Billy agreed, saying he wanted to share the Christmas cheer with Amanda all year long. "From now on", Billy said, "I'm a Palmolive man." He later emphasized, "And no one paid me to say that."
