OMAHA, Nebraska - Fight fans were treated to a stunning display of pugilistic showmanship last night when the cable infomercial personality known only as "The Juiceman" trounced Tae-Bo creator and martial arts champion Billy Blanks in a no-holds-barred match. The elder fighter repeatedly dropped the younger, stronger Blanks with his juice-enhanced strength, finally knocking out his opponent with his patented "blender" move.
The Juiceman, age indeterminate, credits his victory to "the amazing, revitalizing, incredible Power Juice Elixir that I made before the fight! It's quick and easy to make, and goes down smooth."
Added the Juiceman, "Order the Juiceman's Recipe Book for only $29.95 today!"
A cocky, pre-fight Blanks disparaged The Juiceman, saying, "He's obviously an inferior infomercial shill. I don't believe for a second that his SuperJuice makes him look and feel years younger. Only Tae-Bo, the original total-body workout designed to take you to the limits of your potential, can do that. Hi, I'm Billy Blanks, five-time Olympic karate gold medallist."
The Juiceman retorted by pointing out that karate isn't even an Olympic sport.
When asked after the fight if there was anything he'd like to say to his fans out there, a sweaty Juiceman enthused, "Oh yeah! Kiddies: never, ever doubt the refreshing, awesome, dee-licious and unbeatable power of joooooce!"
