Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson, hot as a demon from his latest ruling against Microsoft, lost his composure today in court.
"Shit man, we were just sitting there, going through normal proceedings and stuff," recalled the defense attorney in court at the time. "Then all of a sudden, he screamed that he couldn't stand the Chicago Bulls winning so many NBA championships." Penfield then announced his official proposal for the team's disbanding.
Another witness in the courtroom confirms the defense attoney's comments. "Yeah, at the end, that crazy old bat jumped on top of his desk and yelled at some old guy in the jury about having a monopoly on the best balding head in the courtroom."
Sources say that Penfield ordered the bailiff to scalp the gentleman and divide his scalp equally among everyone in the room. "I'll tell you right now, that guy is fuckin' nuts," the anonymous source said.
When questioned by reporters, Judge Jackson began hitting people in the head with his mallet, chanting a melody later identified as the theme of Chucky Cheese, the well-known children's pizzeria restaurant.
