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New York City Panhandlers Union Announces New Uniform
by Aaron Kendall and Jason Roth
In an attempt to refine its techniques for harassing the multitudes of commuters in the city's trains and train stations, the New York City Panhandlers Union announces a new official uniform. The Union-endorsed uniform will consist of shirt, pants, vomit, and optional cap. The Union hopes the new uniform will aid its members in instilling sympathy, guilt, fear, and ultimately, cold hard cash. Commuters are being encouraged by the Union not to be charitable towards non-Union, or "scab" panhandlers (not to be confused with Union members with scabs.) Union spokesmen admit that the previous uniform, the pin-striped suit and top-hat, proved to be a disappointment.
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