STH Newsletter

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Germans' Cold Hearts Prevent Them from Mourning Over Concorde Victims

by Aaron Kendall

The global media was surprised to find that the country of Germany did not mourn over the German tourists who perished in the Concorde crash of last week. "We vould mourn if ve had the capacity to," explained one German tourist who was vacationing in New York and who had not died in the crash. "But, nein! Ve are born without compassion and love, so we are unable to feel sorry for the victims of the crash. How else could ve stuff millions of Jews into ovens?" The German government has promised to fix the matter by beginning to spray the country with "onion mist", a potent solution which hopes to get the Germans' tear ducts going and to make them appear as if they actually had feelings.